Independent flirting

Last night Jo and I went to the club with a little different plan than usual.

We knew from the RSVP list there weren’t many people attending. And there were zero couples who were attractive to both of us. Jo suggested we hang out with Brenda and/or Kim and invite them to have a threesome with us. I was very hesitant about this. I was not sure Jo was really okay with this or just saying this because it was something she thought I wanted and was “sacrificing herself” for my sake. Martyr like behavior on the part of my ex was a significant component of our break up and I’m probably hyper sensitive to behavior that reminds me of this.

Further increasing my concern is that I had long had an interest in Brenda but for a while Jo was uncomfortable with her. She was married but almost never brought her husband. Brenda also very clearly had an interest in me and Jo thought there was a somewhat secretive component to our mutual interest which bothered her. And in the case of Kim, Jo had once told me, “She’s on the ‘no list’. She is tall, attractive, brunette, and single.” The physical attributes are all on my “what makes a woman hot to me” list. The ‘single’ attribute fanned some insecurity issues for Jo. We are both recently divorced and maintain separate homes even though we rarely sleep apart. For one of us to terminate the relationship and/or decide to pursue a relationship with someone else would take little more than saying good-bye and carrying a couple arm-loads of possessions to the car.

What changed in the last few months was that Jo spent quite a bit of time getting to know Brenda and Kim. Brenda and I still huge and kiss when greeting each other at the club but Jo and Brenda hug also. The flirting between Brenda and I doesn’t seem secretive anymore. And in the case of Kim, well, she has been married three times, doesn’t have the kids from any of the marriages, and is going through bankruptcy. She might not be such a good mate. And from Kim’s viewpoint she is extremely cautious about getting seriously involved with anyone. She doesn’t trust her own judgment in regards to selecting men.

It turned out Brenda had brought a new playmate to the club so it was unlikely they would be doing a full swap with anyone else that night. So Jo encouraged me to concentrate on Kim and she would concentrate on Ed. Ed is a very attractive married guy, attending as a single, who shows up maybe once a month or so and was there.

Things didn’t work out so well for me with Kim. She was quite friendly and talkative but she came to the club just for the food, drink, and to talk this time. She didn’t have any intention of playing with anyone.

Things went well for Jo. Ed said she really boosted his ego and they kissed some and agreed to play at some future time.

There was another couple ,  Kevin and Tammy, that showed a great deal of interest in us. Before dinner Kevin talked to Jo and me quite a bit. Then they moved to our table to have dinner with us. At the dinner table were Larry and Brenda, Kevin and Tammy, and Kim. When Tammy and I were busing some plates and glasses from the table she made a big show of rubbing up against me. Kevin told funny stories to Jo and I. Kevin is much shorter than Jo and that is a deal breaker for Jo. I like Tammy, she is very happy, fun to talk to, and to be around. I wouldn’t reject her if she propositioned me and it was a situation where it was okay with Jo but I probably wouldn’t proposition her under most circumstance. Her body type is different than what interests me the most. So Jo and I didn’t pursue that.

Larry, Brenda’s playmate, was interesting to talk to. He was very articulate and extremely nice looking. Jo said, “Why can’t he be married to Brenda instead of Keith?” In the past Jo had plotted that maybe we could swap with Brenda and her husband so I could get some time with Brenda. But Keith doesn’t come to the club often and Jo found him uninteresting to the point, if we were to swap, she would be “taking one for the team.” This is a very poor idea and everyone with experience in the lifestyle strongly advises against it.

Jo and I ended up going to the play area by ourselves and watching others, including Brenda and Larry, while we had sex. I got really excited watching Brenda on top of him with her hips smoothly rotating back and forth. “Woman on top” isn’t a big deal for me when I’m having sex but seeing her with someone other than her husband and the slow sensuous movement as I had sex with Jo it was a big deal.

House party

Last night Jo and I went to a house party. Jo had been wondering what they were like and how they differed from a sex club. I had been to many house parties and hosted a few in the late 70’s and early 80’s. They were three to maybe six couples that would get together for dinner and play at someone’s home.

We knew this one would be different that what I had experienced but didn’t have a clue as to the details of those differences. A female friend of ours at the club had reported she had gone to the same house for a party the previous month and told us what a wonderful time she had. She had sex with four or five different guys throughout the evening and was very pleased. But she didn’t really describe the party dynamics that well.

We arrived about 7:30 PM and got a tour through the house. The couple own two homes and decided to live in one and use the other for parties about once a month. We decided to stay and paid a $20/person donation.

One room is for dancing and had a pole for those wanting to do little something more enticing than normal dancing. Jo and I both played with the pole  little bit but didn’t take off any clothes.

Most of the time we spent in the kitchen talking to people, snacking on the food they supplied, and sipping the wine we brought. Apparently this was a smaller party than normal. About 25 people. A normal party is about 50 people.

Jo only saw maybe one guy she was interested in playing with. We talked the he and his wife for a while and still thought they were acceptable to us. But I was getting the feeling the other woman more more interested in finding women to play with than men. And in any case there never was that “gleam in the eye” that indicated they were really all that interested in us. We sort of drifted away and later we saw her kissing another woman and her husband far more interested than earlier when he was talking to us.

One woman pretty clearly seemed interested in me. She invited me to come out on that dance floor and early in the evening and Jo and I chatted with her for quite a while in the kitchen. She also asked if anyone as ready to play. It was a general query but there were indicators it was aimed at me and perhaps Jo as well. But Jo and I didn’t really want to be apart and wanted a guy for Jo to play with so we mostly ignored what I suspect were invites to play.

There was another woman with a low-cut dress and large breasts in the kitchen who Jo asked, “May I touch your breasts?” The other woman immediately consented and pushed up to both Jo and I as Jo massaged her breasts. “Why”, she asked, “Do you want to just touch my breast?” Jo didn’t really understand at the time but I think the question meant, “Don’t you want to do more than just touch my breasts?” Again we declined to pursue that advance. Partially because there wasn’t a guy in the equation for Jo to play with and also the woman seemed to be pretty drunk.

We left the party about 10:15. The drive home is a little over an hour and we had time to discuss the evening. Our strong impression is there isn’t much, if any, couples hooking up with other couples. It is more of the couples mostly parting ways and then hooking up with other individuals. We haven’t done that sort of stuff before am I’m a little hesitant to do that. Jo is new in the lifestyle and there are indications she might be a uncomfortable if I’m off with another woman without her. I don’t see a point in pushing her boundaries so even though she has occasionally suggested this sort of thing I have been putting some mild brakes on those sort of activities.

When we returned home we had sex with each other.


Jo and I volunteered at the club last night. It was a new job for us. We arrived early and helped set silverware on the dinner tables. Then, because it was the first party after Valentines Day, we handed out roses to all the women as they came in the door.

Another couple at the door handled people who had prepaid so they could bypass the desk in the lobby. We talked to the other couple quite a bit and enjoyed their company as well as finding them attractive. After our volunteer duties were complete we had dinner with them and continued the conversation. After dinner Jo and the other man, separately, left the table for a bit. We had kind of run out of stuff to talk about at the time so I asked the other woman if she liked to dance and we danced for a while. Jo and the other guy arrived back at the table, found us missing and then came out on the dance floor and joined us. After a few dances the other couple wandered off to get their Valentines Day picture taken.

Jo and I talked briefly about it and decided to ask them if they would like to play with us. I suggested that Jo ask quietly and discreetly ask the other woman. My hope was this would be non-threatening and increase the comfort level. Jo did this and the other woman quietly and politely said, “No, I don’t think so.”


Thinking about it later I realized they had probably dropped some hints about their non-interest. At one point the other guy asked me, since I had been in the lifestyle with my ex-wife for so many years, “Did you ever go through periods where you didn’t do anything with others for a while?” The answer was, of course, “Yes. There were times when we had a lot going on in our lives, there wasn’t much money, when we had our kids, etc.” The lifestyle isn’t a necessity like food, shelter, and transportation. It’s recreation and as such other things frequently displace it.

Jo and I did go on into the play area together and she ended up having sex with someone in a group area. And for a while there were three men simultaneously giving her attention. She was having intercourse with one while another guy and I, were each kissing one of her breasts.

Then Jo and I had sex in the same group room together. Then again when we got home. Then again the next morning.

Dinner, talk, sex

We went to the club again earlier this week. There weren’t very many people there, maybe 50 at most. There weren’t any good matches for us. Most weren’t that good of a match physically. I had an interest in some of the single women but there weren’t any single men of interest to Jo. And there was at least one couple that looked interesting but they were not interested in a full swap.

We did have a nice chat with the entertainment director. I had sent her a link to this blog and asked if doing this blog was okay. There are privacy issues of course and I have been and plan to be very careful not to reveal enough information that people outside the club could figure out who is attending. She said she really liked the blog and was going to talk to some other people to make sure they thought it was okay too.

I explained and she immediately recognized it was probably impossible to prevent people who actually attended the parties from figuring out some of the people and the activities. This is particularly true of those people that we play with. We left it that I would continue to be very obscure in personal details and the phony names and she would talk to the club president and others about it.

We also talked to one couples that went through orientation before dinner then they had dinner at our table as well. It was the first time here for him but she had been through orientation once before about three years ago. They had been attending a few events at a different local club so they weren’t total newbies. They weren’t a good match for us physically but they were nice to talk to.

Also at the table was a single guy we had not seen before. And there was a single woman who attends frequently and another (sort of) couple. I don’t think the couple live together but they attend the club as a couple. The single women had said something to Jo about having intentions toward the male member of the couple when his girlfriend was late showing up. But then when the girlfriend showed up things changed.

We went out on the dance floor for a bit then wandered off to the play area a little bit earlier than most. We did a tour of the play area and found the single woman and man from our table in a cubby together but virtually no one else yet. We again found the bed monitor station unoccupied and stationed ourselves there for a few minutes until the designated couple showed up. They said we didn’t have to leave we could stay with them but we wandered off to see what else was going on. We ended up in the mirror room by ourselves for a while. We touched and kissed some and I believe some people paused and watched for a while but didn’t join us on the bed.

We then did another tour around the play area. There were some people playing in different areas but nothing of particular interest to us or their play area was already full. We ended up on “The Perch” where we could see a lot of the play area and play ourselves. We could see the bed monitor couple had some companions they were playing with and we could hear two other couples were having “a really good time” not far away. We had sex and cuddled for a while listening to the sounds of others having sex and watched another couple not too far away having sex. We saw the single woman from our table with a different guy and I decided she needn’t have worried about not getting the first guy she had designs on.

We went on another tour and found there was a couple in the mirror room. We weren’t interested in playing with them but we laid down on the opposite end of the bed from them and soon had sex again. After cuddling and drifting off to sleep a couple times we decided it was time to leave. Again we did a tour and found the single woman from our table in one of the “Frog Chairs” with still another guy. It was nice to see she was having a really good time after the apparent concern early on.

The party wasn’t all that great for us but it was still nice. Just talking and socializing with others is nice even if you don’t find playmates. And of course sex with each other in this environment is more exciting than in our own bed without others.

Every party is different

Yesterday afternoon we reviewed the RSVP list to see who was going. There didn’t appear to be anyone that we were particularly interested in playing with. But things change. And there are newbies that don’t show up on the “who’s going” list too. So even though we didn’t have very high hopes we arrived about 7:00 PM and scouted out the people already there and watched as others arrived. We talked with friends and got to know some other people. There still weren’t any good matches for us.

There was an advantage to one of the themes of this party that turned out well for us once before. It was a “Key Party” but not in the original swinger sense of the phrase. There was a twist to it. You selected a color coded key when you went through the buffet line for dinner. You selected the color key that matched your interest.

One color was for “Full Swap”, a second for “Soft Swap”, and a third was for “Monogamous/Just Exploring”. Then you sit at a table that matches your color coded key. That helps a bunch. You can eliminate the other people that aren’t interested in the same things as you are. The one other time we did this we ended up with two couples that we probably wouldn’t have approached had we not been seated with them at the “Full Swap” table. We ended up playing with one of the couples and had a nice time.

This time we had a nice conversation with two other couples. But there wasn’t that good of a physical match. I had enough interest in one of the woman but Jo didn’t see anything that interesting for her anywhere.  Not at the table and not anyone at the party. And there were probably 75 or more people there. She suggested we just go home after dinner. I suggested we stay for a while. I hadn’t had a massage for a long time and since Gretchen, the licensed masseuse was working tonight I suggested I get a massage while Jo did some dancing.

I have had many long pleasant conversations with Gretchen and have had a sexual interest in her for years too so it would be a chance to catch up on things with her. There is no sex when you pay the for massage and everyone knew it was just going to be a massage and friendly conversation. She found lumpy muscles in my back I didn’t know I had until she massaged them and between the painful rubs with her elbows and deep presses of her palms I got caught up on things with her kids, husband, and boyfriend and shared things with her about my divorce, my kids, and how great things were with Jo.

Jo and I then went into the play area and found there was no one on bed monitor duty. It had been scheduled for someone but they weren’t there. There was about 15 minutes left in the shift so we did a quick tour of the play area to make sure everything was as it should be then settled into the bed at the entrance. We watched people come in and chatted a bit until our relief arrived.

We did another tour to see where we would settle to play with each other and decided the mirror room was best. There was another couple in there but we weren’t particularly interested in them so we went to the opposite end of the “bed”. The “bed” is actually two king size mattresses side by side on the floor. You can easily touch the people on the next mattress over and in practice the two beds are really just one big bed. So by going to the other end of the bed we were actually several feet away.

It was a little bit cold so we covered up with the blanket we brought and did some kissing and touching. After a while one of the youngster couples we had seen last Saturday came into the room and settled on the bed next to us and she began performing oral sex on him. Two other couples soon settled on the bed and began sex play as well. Now there were five couple on the one large bed with the mirrored ceiling over all of us. Jo and I lay on our backs and watched the orgy in the mirror. The three couple in the middle, almost without words, traded positions and partners. After a while I turned my attention to Jo and she became more and more aroused.

We began having intercourse in the missionary position and continued to watch the people on the bed near us. The jumble of people next to us was close enough that a woman’s arm was laying across the calf of one of my legs. And the man next to us asked permission to touch Jo. She told him, “Yes. But we aren’t swapping tonight.” He touched her leg as we continued having sex and once grabbed her breast.

After we had finished we continued to watch the mechanics next to us. One of the women next to us was close enough that Jo asked if she could touch. The answer was, “Yes! Of course!” and Jo stroked her breasts and back.

One couple after another disengaged and wandered off to other areas leaving Jo and I by ourselves in the room. We rested and talked for a while before deciding it was time to go home. We made a tour of the play area and found another large group of people in another group area including some of those that had left the mirror room earlier. But what was interesting it appeared that nearly everyone was with their original partners.

Almost all are the parties are good but every one is different.


Bob: You’re leaving me!

Jo: It’s something I have to do.

Bob: I don’t want you to leave.

Jo: I’ll come back.

Bob: How do I know that is true?

Jo: I’m not putting on any clothes. I promise I’ll come back to bed.

Bob (pouting): I’ll miss you the entire time you are gone.

Jo (laughing): You are such a goof.

Can you do us a favor?

Jo and I went to the club last night. We had dinner with some friends we had played with before with whom we really enjoyed their company. At the table was a newbie couple.

The newbies reported had never done anything like this before and just wanted to explore. They were nice to talk to but appeared to be either a little scared about everything or weren’t really that interested.

Before dinner we Jo had suggested to our friends that we play together after dinner and our friends were quite agreeable to that. The club had some entertainment that we got bored with after 15 minutes or so and our friends gave us “a look” signaling they were headed to the play area and that we should go with them. So we got up and we headed off to the locker room together leaving the newbies at the table alone.

We found a semi-private area and had a good time with our friends. Jo and I had sex with each other for a while as our friends had sex. Then there was some touching between the couples and finally a full swap. Then still another swap back to our original partners. We then talked and visited some more before our friends said they had to go.

Jo and I decided to take a look around at what else was going on before we left and we almost immediately came across the newbie couple. She was on her back, completely naked, with her legs up and spread on “The Frog Chair”. The Frog Chair is a crude, but very sturdy, imitation of a gynecological exam chair. Her male companion was beside her and as we approached he said, “Can you do us a favor?”, he asked. “Maybe”, I replied.  “What is it?”, I asked. “Could you put your cock into her?” was his reply.

Hmmm… maybe this couple wasn’t quite as scared as I thought were.

I told them that I was a little worn out and probably couldn’t do very much. But he said, “I’m sure you can do something.”

I looked at her and she appeared to be completely accepting of the idea. I should have asked if that is what she wanted. It was a breach of etiquette to not ask her if I could touch her. But her companion was very direct about wanting that and I didn’t detect any hesitation on her part so I dropped my towel and knelt between her legs and slowly began to touch her and perform oral sex on her as I touched myself and tried to get an erection. Jo asked if she could touch and the woman said, “Yes! I love to be touched by women.” And Jo began touching the woman’s breasts as did her male companion. After a while I had enough of an erection to put on a condom and push my partially erect penis into her. She seemed to enjoy it and her male companion narrated the details to the woman and encouraged us to continue. After a while, with the partial erection slowly fading, I withdrew and used my tongue and fingers on her for a few minutes until I thought maybe she had cum. I stroked her breasts, chest and stomach some, thanked them for inviting us to play with them, and Jo and I continued our tour.

In another area we found Gretchen having sex with her boyfriend Steve. We hadn’t seen them but we knew someplace close by her husband, Elmer, was with his girlfriend. I’ve been interested in Gretchen for a long time and have repeatedly propositioned her but it never worked out. She says to keep asking so I do every once in a while. Jo and I laid down on a bed next to Gretchen and Steve and started having sex as well. A couple minutes later they changed positions and Gretchen noticed us and said, “Hi kids!” We said hi back and continued as did they. I really like watching others have sex. And for some reason watching a woman have sex with someone other than her husband or boyfriend is even more exciting for me. The is especially true if it is my wife or girlfriend. It was exciting to watch Gretchen, just a few feet away, having sex with Steve.

Gretchen and Steve finished first and as they were walking away Gretchen grabbed Jo’s foot which was high in the air and kissed it. She then gave us a big smile as she walked away. Jo giggled and we finished with our lovemaking a short time later.

It was a great night.

The midnight shift

Jo and I volunteer time for the club. We get to attend that party for free and if we schedule enough volunteer time we get into all the parties for free that quarter.

Last night we volunteered to do “Bed Monitor” duty from midnight until 1:00 AM. We usually don’t stay this late. Jo is a morning person and by about 10:00 or 11:00 she is starting to slow down. The club needed someone to cover the midnight shift and we (well, mostly I) figured we could handle it because we had lots of sleep the night before then we had a long nap in the afternoon.

Bed Monitor duty means you occupy the bed just inside the entrance to the play area to make sure people entering are following the rules. The club is, in all ways, a woman’s club. The woman have all the power and the men are closely controlled by the female members. The primary duty of the bed monitor team is to make sure single men don’t get in. A woman can bring five (or more, there is no limit) with her but she is responsible for all of them and they must be stay with her or another woman while in the play area. We also make sure no one in street clothes enters, no alcohol, no open top water bottles, and general stuff like that.

When we have done bed monitor duty before it was early in the night. Usually 9:00 –> 10:00 PM. Frequently we are the first people in the play area. People are still eating dinner, dancing, and sitting in the hot tubs in the other parts of the club. It’s the vertical foreplay before the horizontal play starts. So Bed Monitor duty has usually been rather dull for us. We can “entertain” ourselves while there, which we frequently do, but for the most part it’s just sit there and see maybe two or three couples enter. This night, while working the midnight shift, was different.

We have known Sam and Joan for over a year. When we first met them at the club we found them attractive and nice to talk to. We spent lots of time talking to them. They told us they didn’t have sex with other people.  Sam had been involved in the lifestyle before but Joan wasn’t really ready for it yet. It was clear she enjoyed the atmosphere but she didn’t do anything beyond flirting, hugs, and light kisses. They frequently attend the parties and also volunteered their time. Last night we were observing them from a distance and speculated about them, “Why do they even attend? They never play with anyone else. And frequently they are still sitting around the dinner table or dancing when we leave.”

We hadn’t been on station very long when Rocky and Joan came in. “What?” We had never seen Joan with anyone else. Wow! What’s going on? Where is Sam? Rocky’s spouse, Wilma, was somewhere in a cubby playing with someone we didn’t recognize but that wasn’t really unusual. We didn’t even know Rocky and Joan were friends. A few minutes later Sam and another woman, who we didn’t recognized came in. Interesting! Apparently a lot of this time we thought Sam and Joan were just sitting around the dinner table and not playing with others they just delayed until after we usually left.

Other noteworthy items:

Barb is another volunteer and frequent party attendee. She dresses very revealingly. Her dresses are short, her tops are low-cut and/or see through and on the dance floor you frequently see her wearing only shoes.  Last night she surprised me a bit by wear a dress so short that I could see her shaved pussy lips even when she was standing. And later she was dancing with her daughter while topless. That’s not something you see every day.

I had seen the young woman around for a long time but it wasn’t until Jo pointed out Barb was dancing with the woman and commented about her being Barb’s daughter than I knew she was related to her.

While there were quite a few people we knew at the club last night there were a lot of new, to us, people as well. Because we attend so frequently most of the time we probably recognize 75% of the people even if we don’t know their names. We expected they were newbies or maybe very infrequent guests. There was one set of “youngsters”, three couples, who were in the mirror room when we went in for a while. These people were going at it in a big way. One woman announced she wanted two cocks in her at once. Her request was immediately fulfilled. They switched partners many times and did all kinds of combinations of woman on woman, woman sucking on one guy while having intercourse with another. They were what we call Mechanics. It didn’t seem to be really into the affection that Jo and I like when we play with others. It was about going through the mechanics of group sex. What really made that clear was one woman, a really striking woman who I had difficulty keeping my eyes off of while on the dance floor, kept adjusting her hair while she was having sex. She would be on her hands and knees with a guy banging away on her from behind doggy style and she would repeatedly push the hair back from her face. What was that about? Why bother?

We didn’t find anyone to play with us last night. There was one couple we were interested in but it was like we didn’t exist to them. They never made eye contact with us. It was very strange to us. Almost everyone makes eye contact with the people around them. It might not go further than a smile or a nod but you acknowledge their existence. We ended up playing with each other in “The Red Room” with several other couples close by. I was really turned on the by the short East Indian woman who was with some guy next to us but the guys in that group weren’t a good match for Jo.

Still, we had a good time. We had sex with each other again while doing bed monitor duty, then when we got home about 2:00 AM, then again about 10:00 AM when we woke up.

First post

My first sex club visit was decades ago. I attended with my wife and another newbie couple. Let’s call them Jan and Van. My wife and I had never had sex with anyone other than each other and we were very scared. Jan and Van seemed to be just as scared and I later found out Jan didn’t want to go there. She was just doing it to make her husband happy. (We now call that “taking one for the team”. Don’t do that.)

It was a disaster. My wife had sex with Van and I had sex with Jan. Van kept going and going and going. It went on for an hour or more. My wife kept asking him to stop and he didn’t. Jan didn’t want to be there. She didn’t like Van having sex with my wife. And she wasn’t really interesting in having sex with me.

The worst part was that we had carpooled to the party and now we were riding back home, an hour away, in a car with people we didn’t want to be with. Then the next day I went away on a business trip for a week. My wife and I really needed time to talk and recover and now we were apart.

Lessons learned.

The club scene didn’t work out for us very well at the time. So we found other playmates (swingers as they were called then) in contact/swinger magazines. We met some really nice people and had great fun. We also met some sketchy people and had bad experiences. More lessons learned.

Eventually my wife went crazy. It was independent of the sex parties but the symptoms showed up in that aspect of our lives as well.

The crazy keep getting worse and ultimately, after years of insisting we see a counselor and her refusing, I filed for separation and divorce. I haven’t seen or talked to her since then.

A few months later I met my girlfriend Jo on I was immediately very impressed with her. Her history of living with a crazy person for decades matched mine. She was really smart. Her social-economic status matched mine. Physically we were a good match for each other. She was a good mother to her kids. She was accepting of my other, somewhat outside the mainstream, hobbies. She seemed very interested in sex but her sex history didn’t match mine. I took her to her first sex club 10 days later. That was about a year and a half ago. It’s been working out really well.

These days we go to the local sex club once or twice a week. She says, “I’m not really horny all the time, but I’m always ready to be a willing participant.”

This blog is a diary of our visits to sex parties. I hope to share with you the lessons learned and the incredible pleasures experienced.