Why are sex parties so much fun?

The party last night was great! Including ourselves there were 10 couples. We knew half of them before we got there. One thing I thing I thought was interesting was that only three of the couples (and the hosts) were within an hours drive. Four different states were represented and people came from as far as 1200 miles away.

The hosts carefully select the guests they think will be compatible. The effort put into the parties show. They put on some of the best parties we have ever attended.

We heard some interesting things (besides all the sounds of a bunch of people having sex).

Although we hadn’t really thought about it one of the hosts said they never have parties during the summer. This is because the houses in the area are packed in rather closely and they don’t have air conditioning. So, they can’t open their windows to cool the house down during a summer party because the neighbors would hear the more vocal women making a lot of noise. That’s not something to be concerned about with a vanilla party!

I had a pleasant talk with one woman about how she and her husband got into the lifestyle. She told the following story (paraphrasing some):

We had been together a long time and we had an “empty nest”. I was kind of interested in the idea of swinging got on the Internet and ended up creating a profile on SwingLifestyle.com. I poked around some and found my husband’s profile there! I stormed into the other room to confront him and we started fighting about it. Never once, at the time, did it occur to me that I had done the same thing as he did!

After things calmed down we had some really good talks about it and we decided we would do some exploring together. We started going to a club and just looking around. We would have sex with each other in a closed room. Then in a room with other people. Then one time I was giving him a blow job in a room with other people and a nearby woman asked us if we wanted to have sex with her and her husband. I said, “No.” But my husband didn’t hear me and said, “Yes.” I ended up going along and was almost scared to death. I’m not sure I moved at all during it.

The next day I thought about it a lot. I was still alive. I hadn’t turned into a mutant or something. My husband I still liked each other. So, we tried it again – with lots of rules.

As time went on almost all the rules disappeared. It just feels so natural and good. We’ve been doing this for almost six years now. I wish we had been doing it longer.

Jo and I had a great time. The people were nice and we each played with three other people (and, of course, each other when we got home). As is frequently the case at these parities none of my playmates were the spouses of Jo’s playmates.

On the way home the question came up, “Why are sex parties so much fun?” I don’t have a good answer to this. The best I can come up with is, “Sex is fun. So parties with people having sex is going to be fun too.” But that seems inadequate. I think there must be more to it than that.

Clubs aren’t worth it to us

Jo and I went Club Topaz last night. We went there a month ago as a place to meet some new friends and had a great time. But we didn’t have eyes for anyone else. We couldn’t meet at either of our homes because of kids. It was just a place we could meet and play. It worked out well.

Last night we were hoping to find some new friends or maybe have some play time with existing friends. We spent over two hours watching the people come in and didn’t see anyone we were interested in and apparently weren’t that interesting to anyone else either.

As we drove home we talked about all the disappointments we have had at the club scene. We are so much happier going to house parties and getting together with another couple at home.  Our club attendance is going to be very carefully scrutinized from now on. Are we meeting someone there or are we hoping to find someone new? It’s a very poor investment of time and money if our intent is to find new friends there.

Free ranging

One of the couples we know well attends a lot of club parties. They have been doing this for about 20 years and Jo and I started observing them in action. While they do interact with others as a couple while chatting they never play with just another couple in the same room at the same time and frequently don’t play with another couple. They do a lot of what Jo calls “free ranging” with frequent checks with their partner.

They end up playing with others far more frequently at clubs than we do. It sort of makes sense. Finding another couple where Jo likes the guy and I like the gal is more difficult than finding just a guy or gal that each of us like.

That is basically what we did at the house party a couple months ago. And a couple weeks Jo had a similar experience where there was a hot single guy who was interested in her and there weren’t any couple or single women available for us or me by myself. She had a great time with the young stud and then we had a great time together when she got home.

This free range then appears to improve our chances of getting some play time with other people. Jo had to “break some new ground” in regards to feeling comfortable with me being with another woman when she was without someone. She says she is entirely comfortable with it, so maybe learning from the pros is working.

Breaking new ground

Jo and I went to a “house party” last weekend. It wasn’t what we really think of as a house party. There were probably 30 or 40 couples at a large house rented for the weekend. It was a very nice facility and we enjoyed hanging out in the sun next to the river.

Due to various circumstances we drove separate cars and arrived at the same time. We hung out, visited with people, and ate dinner. Jo didn’t see anyone of interest. And the one woman that drank too much and vomited on the living room carpet was a real mood killer. Her date should have taken her home as soon as it was clear she had way too much to drink which was long before she vomited.

We chatted quite a while with Jack and Danielle who put on their own house parties which Jo and I really like. We all agreed the planners for this party didn’t do all that great of a job. It was too small to be a party where everyone could find a good match and there was no vetting of those who attended to make sure they were “all on the same level” as Jack put it. At their parties everyone is very “frisky” as Jo puts it. As soon as everyone is at the party and the doors are locked people pair off (or join a group) and start having sex. There is virtually no hesitation. Everyone has been in the lifestyle for many years, all are about the same age, all are in decent physical condition, and we all know what we are there for.  It’s a very advanced “level”. This party had a wide range of “levels” in all dimensions and it was tough get a good match.

But there were a couple women I was interested in who also showed an interest in me. After we had been there four or five hours Jo decided to go home and told me to stay and see if I could play on my own. Jo really did seem okay with it so I stayed and played with one of the woman.

Jo had some errands to run and we ended up getting home at almost the same time. She asked how things went and said this was breaking new ground for her. She felt entirely comfortable with it. Nice.

She did add that she probably would need to attend the party and see who I was playing with. Just going to a party by myself while she was at home probably wouldn’t work out well. I would much rather she go with me anyway and I doubt I would be interested in leaving her at home to go play on my own. But it’s good to know that she is comfortable with me playing with someone at a party even if she doesn’t see anyone of interest to her.

Mountain lodge

Jo and I just got back from a weekend at a mountain lodge with a small group (about 20 people) of swingers. We didn’t have very high expectations because most of the people there were not a good match for us, but we hoped to make some connections.

We had some fun. We went for a moderately long hike (nearly six miles) and saw some beautiful scenery. We laughed a lot with Janice and talked and kissed with Tanya. I was interested in both Janice and Tanya but there wasn’t really anyone of interest to Jo. There was one couple (Sebastian & Ruby) that showed up late from over four hours away where the guy was a good match for Barb. But the woman is probably 30 years younger than me. I questioned whether she would have any interest in me anyway. They hooked up with Tanya and Ichabod.

Late on Saturday evening I did manage to get Sebastian and Ruby into a conversation and things seemed to go very well for while. We talked about swinging quite a bit and they were quite interested in one of my hobbies unrelated to sex. Jo thought “this is going to work” but there was a medical emergency event with someone in the hot tub and it “spoiled the buzz” for everyone.

As we were leaving the next morning Ruby was in the kitchen as I was searching for a quick breakfast. She was very friendly and I gave her my card with more information about how to get involved in the hobby they expressed interest in. She seemed enthusiastic about it. So maybe we’ll hear from them again sometime.

Tanya told us about a couple swinging podcasts she really likes:

I’ve downloaded the first few episodes and am going to start listening to them.

She also raved about how much they enjoy lifestyle cruises.  She and Ichabod have gone on three now. Jo and I are going on one in October of this year and I hope we don’t have our expectations too high after all the praise she has been giving them.

Men who fantasize about their wives with another man

Interesting article by Justin Lehmiller:

“cuckold porn” is second only to “youth” in heterosexual porn searches.

From an evolutionary perspective, the idea that a guy would take pleasure from watching his wife with another man is counterintuitive. Historically, men have gone to great lengths to avoid being “cuckolded,” or finding their wives impregnated by someone else. Not only does cuckoldry limit men’s ability to “spread their seed,” but it forces them to expend scarce resources raising someone else’s kids. The fear of cuckoldry is thought to be a key factor that shaped how our male ancestors approached sexual relationships and, to this day, is considered by many scientists to be the reason men tend to get more jealous (often violently so) about their partners’ sexual infidelity than women.

Increasingly, scientists favor a biological explanation based on a growing body of work on sperm competition. Research shows that when one woman mates with several men, those men can display behavioral and biological changes intended to increase their likelihood of fertilizing her egg—without even realizing it. For example, when men masturbate to porn featuring multiple men having sex with the same woman, their ejaculate contains more active sperm than it does when they beat off to an all-female threesome, according to a 2005 study of 52 men. Other research has found that men report thrusting faster and deeper during sex when they suspect their female partner has cheated, presumably as a way of displacing rival sperm. These findings suggest the provocative possibility that men are “wired” to find cuckold scenarios arousing because they promote behaviors that help their own sperm win a raging intra-vaginal sperm war.

I don’t have a better explanation than the hypothesizes in the article or above but I know something is going on with me.

An example. Jo and I were at Club Topaz last night. I played with Miriam while her husband,  Mitch, was with Racheal (Jo was with Racheal’s friend Lane). After Miriam, Mitch, Racheal, and I were done Miriam and Mitch left. Racheal and I cuddled while watching Jo and Lane. We cuddled and petted for a long time before finally having sex with each other. Watching Jo with another guy and knowing Racheal had been having sex with another guy shortly before me was very arousing.

Hotel takeover

Club Topaz took over an entire hotel near the ocean this weekend. There were about 275 people there. Jo and I had never been to an event like this and were a little unsure how the dynamics of meeting people and playing with others would work out. Jo suggested we go “free range” and not try to find a couple which was a good match for both of us. I agreed but wasn’t entirely happy with her insisting that she would not play with anyone else unless I had found someone first.

We arrived on Friday afternoon, checked in and wandered around some. It was a little bit old but well maintained and clean. The staff seemed friendly but except for the club owners we didn’t see anyone that we knew really well or anyone we were particularly interested in playing with. We went for a walk on the beach and hung out near the lobby watching the new arrivals for potential good matches.

At dinner Kent and Karla showed up and sat at our table with us. I was still very interested in her and Jo was warming up to Kent some. Kent certainly expressed his interest in Jo.

After dinner Jo and I wandered around and “touched base” every 15 to 30 minutes. There was dancing in one conference room and general socialization going on in all the hallways. I sort of expected the pool and hot tub to be a place to meet people but there was virtually nothing going on there. I chatted with Karla some more and asked if she wanted to play with me and she indicated interest but was very tired from being up since something like 3:30 AM. I told her to let me know and she agreed. I continued to cruise and check in with Jo.

I danced with one woman who was with Alexis and another woman. She naked except for shoes. We touched, rubbed against each other, and kissed quite a bit and I expected she was ready to play with me. I asked she declined because she was “all played out” but we exchanged cards. It’s unlikely we will get together. They live many hours away and Jo didn’t get to meet her husband.

As the night got later and later we were getting tired and a little frustrated. Neither of us had very good prospects and this was a lot of work for us. We saw Donna and her husband and started talking with them. Donna is almost outrageously wild and it made things more fun just hanging out with them. Her husband was very  interested in Jo and told her many times. Jo was not interested in him but hanging out with them was worth the almost overwhelming attention from him.

We invited them to our room for a drink and once there at the urging of Donna’s husband Jo and Donna took off their clothes and started having sex with each other. Her husband and I took off our clothes and touched the woman and they played with each other. We had left the door open and another couple stopped and watched. We noticed them and invited them in. They introduced themselves, Jerry and Diane. Jerry started touching Donna and the woman began touching me and Jo and Donna continued 69ing. Then Diane started performing oral sex on me. I don’t think Donna really wanted the attention from the other guy and Jo definitely didn’t want the attention from Donna’s husband so Jo, Donna, and her husband left, all completely naked, to go back to the dancing in the conference room two floors down. Diane and I were pretty “involved” and Jerry stayed to watch as Diane and I had sex together.

After we were done we put our clothes back on and I checked in with Jo. It was after midnight and I was tired and ready to go to sleep. But Jo was pretty wound up from all the play with Donna and asked if she could continue looking for someone. I agreed and she left while I went to bed.

About 20 minutes later she came back. “Emergency sex!”, she exclaimed. She had found Jeff, flirted a bit with him and propositioned him, he agreed, then because he had been with three other women already that night was unable to anything more than get Jo exceptionally excited. She came back to me to get some relief, which I was more than happy to help her with.

Saturday we again went for a walk on the beach, and did mild socialization during the day and went “on the prowl” as it became evening. But during the day Kent kept pushing the issue with Jo more and more to the point where Jo lost what little bit of interest she had for him. I understood why. My only minor concern was that I was afraid this would spoil the deal for Karla and I.

There didn’t seem to be much in the way of prospects. People we were interested in seemed to already have other plans and those who were interested in us were not very a good match for us.

Late in the evening Karla showed up. Her necklace said, “Slut”, she was wearing a dress which showed far more skin than it concealed and left virtually nothing left to the imagination except for whether she was going to choose you as one of her playmates. I talked to her for a while and asked if she would like to play with me. She agreed but wanted check with Kent and hang out near the dance floor for a while first. I told her to let me know when she was ready. About 15 minutes later she came up to me and said she was ready.

We went to my room and got undressed and into bed. She had done something I had never known any other woman to do. She had her pubic hair permanently removed. It was incredibly smooth and soft.  We had a really nice time together, talked for a while, then she was ready to find “the next person on her dance card”.

I found Jo and checked in with her. She wasn’t having any luck but continued to dance with some of the women. I found the woman who I had danced with the previous evening staring out a door into the rain and chatted with her for quite a while. I really like her but they live so far away it is unlikely we will see each other unless we both go back to the same hotel take over next year.

Eventually Jo and I went to bed without her finding a suitable playmate. We had sex and went to sleep.

The event was okay but it was a lot of work for us to socialize. We decided that it would be a lot better if you went with someone you already knew. But then if you were going to do that why not just rent your own rooms at hotel and play there rather than paying about twice as much for the organized party?

We made reservations for the hotel takeover next spring with the same room as we had this year. But we aren’t certain we will actually go yet. Maybe it will be our backup plan if we don’t have some other friends to do something similar with.

Condo weekend

Jo and I rented a condo next to the ocean for the weekend and two other couples went with us. These was Calvin and Jerri and Trevor and Kathleen.

I had told Jo that these type of events are my favorite. With my ex-wife I had many of these to various places like resorts at National Parks and even just an ordinary hotel in town with big beds. Jo was a little nervous about it. But I think it might have been because of issues of hosting friends when she was married to her ex. If things didn’t go just perfect he would get upset.

We went hiking on the beach with our friends and if anyone had been watching closely I’ll bet they would have been confused. We mixed up the pairings as we walked. We held hands with the spouses of other couples and sometimes the women were hugging and kissing. It was great fun and helped break the ice a little bit. Neither of the other two couples had met before so it was particularly important for them to get to know each other. Jo and I were pretty sure they were compatible and it turns out we were correct.

Calvin and Kathleen and Jerri and I used the Murphy bed in the living room together while Jo and Trevor used one of the bedrooms. I wanted to be in the other bedroom with Jerri but she said she and Calvin never play apart. The Murphy bed was a little small and it was crowded on the bed. I wasn’t able to get a full erection and although Jerri was really nice about it things just didn’t go as well as I would have liked.

My favorite part was the next morning. Jo got up and went to the kitchen to get some food. I stayed in bed for a while reading blogs on my phone. Pretty soon the door opened and Kathleen walked in were just her robe. She asked if it was alright if she joined me. Of course it was! We had a really nice time together.

After we were done and talked and cuddled for a while we took a shower together and went into the kitchen to help with breakfast. It turns out it was Trevor’s idea for Kathleen to come into my bedroom. He and Jo were getting very “heated up” in the kitchen while everyone else was still in bed. So he suggested Kathleen join me in my bedroom so he and Jo could have the Murphy bed in the living room.

Another wonderful weekend get away. It was one of Jo’s better lifestyle experiences as well as mine.

Hall pass for Bob

Jo was out of town the last few nights and about 4:30 AM yesterday morning sent me a text message:

I’ve been thinking about it since yesterday, but I feel fine with you having a hall pass tonight.

Maybe it is different being out of town?

I replied a few minutes later:

Being home or away is much different for some reason. I  didn’t get into bed until midnight. Very lonely without you here. Then woke  up a few minutes ago.

Thank you for the hall pass. I won’t make any commitment until 8:30 or later. You can change your mind at any time. Even if I actually go.

She replied:

That’s sort of what I do when you’re gone. Being the one who is away, for some reason I feel better about you having a hall pass than not having one. Weird.

That night, 7:58 PM:

Are you really okay with a hall pass tonight? It’s okay to change your mind.

At 8:02 she replied:

Yes! Fine with a hall pass. Have fun.

8:15 PM I replied:

Do you want updates as the evening progresses? Or silence?

8:18 from Jo:

Just end results when you get home is fine, and any interesting gossip of course!

I arrived Club Topaz about 9:00 PM. There weren’t a lot of people there (later I asked one of the owners and they said 36). I found a locker for my stuff, took a shower, and changed my clothes. I made a quick tour of the play areas. They were completely empty.

I grabbed a snack and walked to one end of the room where I had a good view of everyone. There were a couple of groups and some scattered people. I knew a couple of the owners and saw a few faces I recognized but no one I had played with before and very few single women. I was slowly eating my snack and one of the women from a group at a table near the opposite side of the room walked to me and asked, “Isn’t your wife really tall?” “Yes”, I replied. Rachael introduced herself and said she thought she recognized me.

She and her husband Don do volunteer work for the club, see us there frequently, then saw us at the last party at Club Diamond, but never got around to talking to us. She wanted to say hi and talk with us. She asked about Jo and I told her she was out of town and I had a hall pass tonight.

As we talked we saw a short, sort of chubby, guy with a Mohawk haircut go into the play area with a beautiful woman. Rachael commented on it, “I don’t know how he does it. He always get to play with the pretty ones.” I expressed my surprise too. I had seen him many times too.

She commented that in one of our pictures on a Lifestyle web site Don noticed a empty gun magazine pouch on my belt. He is a firearms instructor for a police agency and it sort of jumped out at him. I told her I do a lot of shooting and used to be a, non-professional, instructor myself. She wanted to introduce me to her husband and so we walked over to the table with some other people including the owners I recognized. I was introduced and we Don and I immediately started talking about gun and shooting.

Rachael quickly tuned out and was talking to a woman from another couple at the table. They were talking about the first few times they had played together and how much they enjoyed their time together. I disengaged from the gun talk and told Rachael I was sorry to have gotten distracted by the gun stuff. “This is a sex club. We should be talking about sex here”, I told her. I contributed some to the talk about the club, what happened to Club Pyrite, and asked her about their lifestyle experiences.

They had been in the lifestyle for about ten years but had just played with other people in their neighborhood. There had been a group of a half dozen couples or so and everything had been great for several years. Then there was a bunch of drama and everyone except them got divorced. They then decided to go to house parties and clubs to meet people. They had been doing this for several months now and it was working out well for them.

I told her about Jo and my experience some. I told her of our experiences at other clubs and they dynamics of house parties versus the different clubs.

We probably talked for 20 or 30 minutes and noticed that nearly everyone else in the social area except for our table was gone. She commented something about everyone must be having a good time and so I put my hand on her leg and asked if she would like to go play with me.  She said, “Yes, but I need to see what Don wants to do.” I told her I had to get something out of my locker anyway and would be right back. I went to my locker and retrieved my condoms and when I stood up she was right behind me. She asked, “Is it okay to go someplace where he isn’t?” I wasn’t quite sure who he was but I said we could go anywhere she wanted. It turned out he was some guy that was sort of lurking around watching people in the play areas. We found an empty play area where we could be alone and she quickly go into things. I don’t believe I have ever been with a woman who “got started” so quickly before. I was a little taken aback but had a very nice time with her.

After we were done and chatted for while we dressed and went back into the social area. Don was busy making out with the woman from the other couple. Rachael and I sat at the original table and chatted with the owners and the husband of the other couple. Eventually Rachael and the husband wandered off to have a more private conversation and I talked with the people at the table. The conversation drifted to spankings, handcuffs, and cages. That’s not my scene at all and it was going to spoil what had been a very pleasant evening for me. I said goodbye to the people at the table, found Rachael and said thank you for the nice evening and left to go home.

In the car I sent another text message to Jo and gave her Rachael and Don’s Facebook name:

Just leaving. I had a good time with Rachael .

10 minutes later:

She’s attractive! Glad you had a good time.

I went home and went to bed alone. I would have rather Jo had been home and I had spent the evening with her but being able to socialize and play with someone else was a nice distraction from being alone.

Hall passes for Jo

I was out of town this weekend so Jo decided to visit Club Topaz Friday and Saturday nights by herself. She sent me several text messages asking if it was really okay with me. I reassured her and although she had some apprehension once she reached the lobby went in.

I expected her to play with the owner, Charley. They have done a lot of kissing over the last few months and he always makes a big deal over her and tells her they, “Need to do more sometime.” His wife, Dania, hasn’t shown much interest in me so we haven’t pursued it and I figured this would be their chance. Unfortunately he wasn’t there either night.

On Friday there was a guy who was quite smitten by her, Karl. They danced and kissed some. He had a big erection while on the dance floor and told her a bunch of things that turned her off. A real smooth talker:

  • Claimed to be a liberal talk show host
  • I would be delighted if you’d have diet Coke with me
  • Maybe we could go change and go on a tour of the playrooms
  • She looked like two famous hot actresses

Maybe there weren’t any lies but the constant flattery causes one to doubt his sincerity.

Saturday night she again asked if it was okay with me if she went to the club. I told her the usual, “Yes. Just report back to me.”

We were texted about other stuff just before she left home and I asked her, “Any interesting prospects for tonight?” She reported back that Mick and Michelle had RSVP’d. They always have a very strong interest in Jo and Jo always has a good time with them so I expect that would be her playmates for the evening. I indicated I expected she would have a good time with them and she said, “I hope they show up!”

She then, again, asked, “You’re okay with me going?” I was a tiny bit annoyed by being asked the same question so many times and told her:


How many times do I have to tell you? How many times do you need to play by yourself without adverse consequences?


I love you and know you love me. I know you will still want to be with me the next night.

Just don’t hide anything, tell me the truth, and everything will fine on my end.

The text conversation continued:

Jo: Am I hiding something? I sort of needed reassurance that it’s okay.

Bob: Nope. I don’t think so. You would know better than me. Smile Does it bother you that I’m okay with this? You have my reassurance.

Jo: No! It’s AMAZING that you’re ok with this. I feel bad that I can’t do the same…yet.

Bob: Don’t feel bad. I would like for you to be okay with it. But I know it is a bit step that you aren’t really ready for. And I know you had a bad first experience when you tried. Just know I’m extremely pleased to have you share this part of my life with so much enthusiasm. Xoxoxo

Jo: Xoxoxo

When she got to the club she sat in the car for a bit and texted me again. She said she was leaving her phone in the car and texted me a picture of herself:


I texted back, “You were giving me an erection just being there. Now this!”

There was no answer for two hours and twenty minutes. I figured she was having a good time and it was difficult for me to go to sleep wondering what she was doing.

She finally texted back:

Jo: Sigh. Wish I could put that erection to good use. Nothing there. No Mick and Michelle. Ferrari man was there. Talked to him a long time. I have his card. I wasn’t feeling playtime. Conversation with Andy and Ronda and Swedish couple. I had my hands on the butts of both guys for a while.

Bob: Thanks for the update.

Jo: Andy and Ronda have never played with anyone.

Bob: Interesting! Do they want to?

Jo: He does. I think he said we had a chance. Wondering if I should go back in and lure them.

Bob: Smile I’m definitely interested in her.

Jo: I went back in to propose the idea of me being a bonus person, soft only, but they were back already.

Bob: Maybe we should try to have drinks or dinner with them sometime.

Jo: Maybe. Rick gave me their super snazzy card.

Bob: Smile

Anyway, while she didn’t get to play with anyone she had a nice time and knows more about Andy and Ronda (we knew some of this from before but expected by now they had gotten beyond it) who we have both had a long time interest in.