Meet, greet, and complete

Last night Jo and I went to a “meet and greet” at a casino/bar/dance place. There were probably something 100++ people there. We met a few new people but didn’t talk to them all that much. We gravitated to people we already knew and spent most of our time talking to them.

We spent quite a bit of time talking to Cam and Rebecca (and Jo did a fair amount of kissing with Cam) but it was Alfred and Debbie that invited us back to their place only a couple miles away. Debbie rode with me and Jo rode with Alfred so we wouldn’t get lost.

We were given a quick tour of their home which ended up with Debbie and I in one bedroom and Jo and Alfred in another. Jo and I would have liked to have been in the same room but it turned out fine.

Debbie and I could hear Jo really enjoying herself and I used my hands, fingers, and mouth to give Debbie her share of orgasms as well. Jo and Alfred came in and got on the bed with us after a while. I climbed on top of Jo and had sex with her for a while and then pulled out, put on a condom, and then finished up with Debbie.

It was really late by then and after talking and cuddling for only for a short while Jo and I put on our clothes and left.

Jo slept a lot of the way home but she reported she had a really good time and would “definitely do that again”.

It was so late when we got home that we didn’t have sex with each other again. We just went to sleep but had sex the this morning and again later.

Quote of the week: Debbie

Alfred and I are going to have a polyamorous relationship with your vagina.

August 23, 2014

This was said to Jo when we bumped into Alfred and Debbie at a meet and great. Debbie and Alfred are quite attracted to Jo.  Debbie also told Jo that when Alfred is rejected by other women she tells him (in regards to having had sex with Jo):

You’ve been with a super model , so what do you care?

This praise, and rightly so, did wonders for Jo’s ego.

Married women seek out sex

This is no surprise to me and probably not any of our lifestyle friends but it is supposedly news on the Huffington Post:

Apparently, unfaithful wives want to have their cake and eat it too. According to a new study, women who cheat on their husbands are looking for passion and sex, but they have no desire to end their marriages.

Anderson found that 67 percent of these married ladies were specifically looking for more “romantic passion,” aka sex. None wanted to actually leave their husbands and most even painted their clueless spouses in a positive light.

If these women were fulfilled emotionally, why the romantic ennui? “Our results reflect not marital disharmony, but the sexual monotony that is a social fact of the nature of long-term monogamous relationships,” Anderson said in a statement. “The most predictable thing about a relationship is that, the longer it progresses, the quality and the frequency of sex between the couple will fade. This is because we get used to and bored of the same body.”

And what does the author say about this study? She struggles to find exceptions and alternatives to having other sex partners.

The data is there. Why not just accept the facts, relax, stop being a prude, and have some fun in your life?

Where is the data on humans?


In environments where sperm from multiple males are competing intra-vaginally for fertilization, cooperation may actually increase the odds of reproductive success. Think of it this way: in species that are promiscuous by nature, sperm from the same male might have a tendency to cooperate instead of compete in order to reduce the odds that sperm from another male will reach the egg first.

Indeed, this is what the Harvard study found: the researchers studied two species of mice, one that is promiscuous by nature (Peromyscus maniculatus) and one that is monogamous (Peromyscus polionotus). In the promiscuous mice (where sperm from multiple males are often competing in the female reproductive tract), their sperm had a tendency to clump together in optimally sized packs that ended up reaching the egg faster. In contrast, in the monogamous mice (where sperm don’t have any external competition), their sperm were less likely to form these optimally sized packs.

If the authors of Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships are correct then humans should have sperm that tend to clump together. If the author of Sex at Dusk: Lifting the Shiny Wrapping from Sex at Dawn is correct then human sperm will tend not to clump together.

So why haven’t the Harvard researchers published the data?

I have to trust someone before I let them between my legs

Last night Jo and I did some volunteer work at our usual club. We helped with setup, greeting people at the door, and then served dinner to people at their tables. In part because we were still recovering from a bad experience last Sunday and partly because we had to go to the airport very early the next morning we didn’t stay after dinner. But we had a nice time.

We got most of our volunteer work done for this quarter and talked with a few people. Probably the most interesting conversation was rather short and completely unexpected.

While we were waiting for people to be seated for dinner I went to a position near my assigned tables and watched as people came into the dining area. Tanya was serving the tables next to mine and as she walked past me to her tables she briefly put her arm around me and then rubbed my back for a few seconds as she asked me which tables I had. I told her and she said hers were next to mine and we would be bumping into each other then.

Wow! I had long thought she was quite attractive but her husband, Ichabod, wasn’t a good match for Jo so I hadn’t talked to her beyond that required for the times when we worked our volunteer shifts together. This was the first time she had shown any interest in me that I had noticed. I wasn’t going to let the opportunity go to waste though. Even if it was unlikely we would ever play with them as a couple I should encourage her for making a pretty overt gesture toward me. And it would be good practice for me. I know it’s tough for most women to make overt gestures. The risk of rejection usually causes them to make much more subtle gestures which run the risk of being unobserved by oblivious men (like I tend to be). Jo noticed the move too and rather than walk past us on the way to her tables took a different tact.

As Tanya moved a few feet away to be closer to her tables I approached and engaged her in a conversation. I said that we hadn’t seen her in quite a while. Had they been coming and we just missed them?

They had attended the party on July 19th. But hadn’t made the one hour drive from their place several times when they had originally planned to. It was a long drive and if you were tired already it just didn’t seem like worth the effort to get ready and make the trip. We had attended that party but were so wrapped up in Sean and Martha that we probably just didn’t see Tanya and Ichabod. I told her that we had been attending other events. I told her about the house parties we had been attending and she expressed quite a bit of interest. Partially because it was a lot closer to them that our usual club.

I explained we had been somewhat disappointed in how things had turned out at our usual club for some time and were having better luck finding what we wanted at the house parties. She asked what we were looking for. I told her “full swap” and being able to become friends. The dinner at a table with another couple or two at the club meant that if it wasn’t a good match then it was really tough to connect with another couple that evening. Connecting with someone on the dance floor wasn’t really feasible because you couldn’t really talk there. And hooking up with someone in the mirror room when you exchanged names while having sex wasn’t making friends before you played.

I explained the house parties had a different dynamic because of the physical layout. People all standing around in the kitchen and living room made the opportunity to mix and talk to other people you were attracted to much easier. You could spend a few minutes with a couple and move on if they weren’t what you were interested in. She seemed intrigued by this and said something I thought was rather profound and succinct and when I told Jo about it she liked it too. Tanya told me, “I have to trust someone before I let them between my legs. I want someone there but I have to trust them first.” We had to start doing our jobs as servers then but she said she wanted to talk to me about these house parties more later.

I didn’t get a chance to talk with her after dinner but Jo and I talked about the conversation in the car was we drove home. Jo said, “That’s what I need to do. I need to make sure I trust them before I get into bed with them.”

It was hell

Last Sunday we had dinner with a couple who had contacted us via a couple months ago. They live out of state and were going to be visiting family for a few days and wanted to met some swingers while they were here.

We talked on the phone with them and exchanged several email and text messages. They seemed like a pretty good match for us.

Dinner went well with a couple hours of very pleasant conversation and they invited us back to their hotel “for a drink”. Jo and I agreed and we walked from the restaurant back to their hotel with them. Stan and Jo held hands and talked and Sandy and I did the same.  They poured glasses of wine but we quickly ended up in bed together. Stan and Jo had their clothes off and were in bed so quickly that I joked that it was a race and that Sandy and I were losing.

Sandy and I proceeded somewhat slowly and we enjoyed our time together. I was watching Jo and Stan and although I didn’t pick up any overt signals I was concerned things were going as well for her. Stan was a bit on the large side and Jo, while very tall, has a petite build. Stan wasn’t at all gentle and Jo seemed to be taking a bit of a pounding. Far more than I had ever done with her. But then I have a reputation for being very gentle. Some women like it rougher than what I care for. Maybe Jo was okay. But I wasn’t sure.

Long after Sandy and I were done and just laying there touching and talking Stan was pounding away at Jo. Finally Jo said she needed a break.

We all talked for while and when Stan wanted to start again Jo said we needed to go home because we had to work the next morning. I quickly agreed even though it wasn’t all that late.

As we walked back to the car Jo told me it was hell for her. She was done. Right now she didn’t want to have sex ever again. Not with anyone. All sex with men was repulsive to her and she didn’t want to touch me either. She wasn’t mad at me. She didn’t blame me. But it was a really bad experience for her.

She had recovered enough that we were able to cuddle up and sleep shortly after we got home. We had sex again Tuesday morning. After a couple more days she was in a much better mood and could talk about it but still not really recovered. She realizes probably isn’t entirely true but her attitude is that the reason some women are into the lifestyle is so they can have sex with better lovers than what they have at home. “Sex with you is a like an art form”, she told me. I took exception to that. I don’t think I do anything particularly special. I’ve long had a reputation as being very gentle but I don’t do a bunch of different or particularly interesting positions. The missionary position is about all that I do after a some manual and oral foreplay.

We have talked about “what went wrong” and “what we could have done differently”. There weren’t any early signs. It wasn’t until they were actually in bed “banging away” that she knew it was a mistake to be with him. I suppose she could have disengaged much sooner but there is a lot of reluctance to do that. You don’t want to spoil things for everyone else. But “taking one for the team” spoils things too. If/when we are with another couple again I think we need to make very sure it’s okay with each other to abort a situation at any time for any reason. It’s not worth the cost of having such a bad experience.

They weren’t doing it right!

Last night we went to our usual club. It was better than we have seen it in a long time. There were something like 150 people there and the “energy” was good. There were a lot of people on the dance floor and we met some new people that were interesting to talk to. They were people there who weren’t just “exploring” or “checking things out”.

We sat at a table with a couple that has a 12-year old at home and doesn’t attend very often even though they have been members for over ten years. They were very enthusiastic about the club and the lifestyle and we really enjoyed talking to them. We thought they might be interested in playing with us. Certainly there was some interest. He, with permission, put some chocolate pudding on Jo’s shoulder and licked it off.

We aren’t sure what went wrong there. Perhaps we weren’t responsive enough or she wasn’t all that interested in me. But they went to the dance floor and quick hooked up with another couple.

We danced for quite a while as well but didn’t really connect with anyone.

We stood in the lobby for a while and decided we had to “do something” because dancing and standing around wasn’t working. We went over to a drink/socializing table (no chairs with the table height appropriate for standing) with four other people. I started to introduce myself but Jo took me off guard at the last second and said she was going to “do the height check”. There was another woman at the table who was quite tall and Jo stood next to her and compared their heights. The other woman, Xena, took it in stride and conceded that Jo was just a tad taller than her. I then pointed out that Jo was in bare feet. Xena’s jaw dropped. She was wearing heels almost four inches tall.

Xena is quite the character. We barely had to contribute as she entertained us with her stories. The most memorable one was her explaining how she got into the lifestyle.

She told us she had been “doing this” since she was 19 years old but first tried it when she was 16. She knew from the first time she saw porn on the Internet that, “I want to do that!” She convinced her boyfriend and a girl friend to have a threesome with her. They all got together and she was using her hand on his cock and trying to “do something” with her girlfriend but they were just pretty much curled up and not moving. She was really frustrated with them, “They weren’t doing it right!”

It was getting late and Jo and I decided to move on. Xena was rather young for us, we suspected about 35 but later we found out she is 32, and we didn’t really see who, if anyone, her partner was. But Xena told us, “I want to see you guys again, like later tonight!” We smiled and drifted on to the play area by ourselves.

We “made the loop” looking for a couple or two to be near that might be interesting. We settled for a bed a few feet away from the couple we had dinner with and the couple they hooked up with. They were in a semi-private area and we were in public area. We played each other a little bit and then moved on when there wasn’t any response from any of the people walking by or the foursome in the bed next to us.

We made another loop and stood outside the mirror room. Jo kept asking me if I wanted to go in there. I said it would be fine if she wanted that. She said it would be fine “as long as no one there touches me”. It didn’t sound like something she really wanted to do it so I resisted that for a while. She keep suggesting it and finally when some space opened up so there was more room for us such that touching from others was less likely we went in and laid down in the open space.

We touched each other and watched Janice in a MFM threesome with another couple on one side of us and different couple on the other side of us. The second couple left after a few minutes and was soon replaced with a still different couple. We continued our foreplay and voyeurism for a while. The new couple were heavily involved in foreplay as well. The guy looked quite interested in us but I didn’t think Jo would be interested in him and the woman wasn’t showing any detectable interest so I didn’t indicate any interest in them. After a while they started talking some about the images in the mirrors above us. “He looks like the Star Trek captain” I heard them say about me. I’m not sure who said what after that but there was a little bit of talk between us before I continued the foreplay with Jo. The woman of the couple changed her position some such that she was closer to me and the guy continued stroking her. I was pretty sure this was a signal they were both interested in us but I hadn’t gotten any signals from Jo she was interested so I mostly ignored things but did move to between her legs for oral sex. This would give her unrestricted access to the other woman if she decided she was interested.

It took less than a minute for the other woman to ask if she could touch Jo. Jo quickly gave permission as I continued to eat on her. When the other woman reached for Jo’s crotch I moved back just a bit to give her access and as Jo responded favorably I backed up even more and reached to touch the other woman’s leg.

The other guy asked if he could touch Jo and again permission was granted and I moved a bit closer to the other woman and the guy said, “Go right ahead!” So I began to eat on her and use my fingers on her as she continued her manual and oral stimulation of Jo.

It wasn’t long before the other guy put on a condom and was busy having sex with Jo. The other woman performed oral sex on me for a while then I went back to doing that with her before putting on a condom and having sex with her as well. It was in the middle of having sex that she introduced herself. Her name was Jennifer and her husband was Kip.

After we were done having sex we talked with them for quite a while. They lived out of state had been in the lifestyle several years. They occasionally traveled to our club and said they had talked to us before but we didn’t remember them. We didn’t have a clock visible or watch with us but knew it was getting late and finally said we needed to get going. We were driving home but they were spending the night.

As we were entering the crowded dressing room Xena was just entering as well. She still had all her clothes on and could tell we were preparing to leave. “You assholes!”, she mock scolded us. “I told you to wait for me”, she said. We said we had to be going and she had stayed in the dining area instead of moving to the play area when we did. She insisted on playing with Jo’s breasts and made approving sounds and gestures at my nude body as well as I watched her give Jo all the physical attention. Jo finally moved on and still other people wanted to touch Jo as well. Jo let them have a small touch and snaked her way between people to get to our locker. She then decided she needed to use the bathroom and was conflicted because she didn’t really want to go through “the booby gantlet” again. I pointed out a bathroom that didn’t necessitate going through the crowd of people. She utilized the bathroom, we got dressed, and went back to the dining room for the midnight snack. It was past 12:30 and, especially after sex, food is a popular attraction that late at night.

By the time we got home and prepared for bed it was past 1:30 and we were both very tired. We didn’t have sex again until the next morning.

Don’t read Cosmo for the sex tips

There was a time when I would get suckered into reading a Cosmo article or two because of the enticing article title on the cover of the magazine. I stopped being suckered many years ago but that doesn’t mean other people don’t still get suckered. Apparently the enticement that suckered Jenny Block in was, “28 Mind-Blowing Lesbian Sex Positions”.

What is nice is that in the age of the Internet you can easily ridicule them:

It was as if a straight frat boy took out his doodle pad and drew every scene from every porn he had ever witnessed with Barbie or Disney princesses playing the leading roles, with their impossibly tiny bodies and silky, gravity-defying hair.

The positions were all hetero-normative fantasies of lesbian sex at their worst and silly at their best.

But I didn’t realize how truly insane and downright impossible they were until I called on my queer friends to act them out. I mean there was no way. Arms and legs were missing. It was impossible to hold up one’s own body weight, let alone the body weight of the other person in half of them. We had to balance on our tip toes and contort our bodies in the most insane ways. And, most importantly, there was nothing arousing about any of it.

Jenny and her friend posed and took pictures of each of the positions. Read the whole thing.