Meeting for drinks

Last March Jo and I had a great time at a house party. One of the couples we talked, to but didn’t play with, was Jack and Danielle. They were the couple that had been married for 40 years and in the lifestyle since the mid-1990’s. A while after the party they contacted us via a swinger website we belong to and wanted to get together for “drinks” sometime. Our schedules finally meshed and we met them at a restaurant last night.

We talked for nearly three hours. It was really pleasant. We talked about our kids, our homes, and about how we got into the lifestyle, different clubs we had been to, house parties, and all kinds of things.

What Jo and I independently decided was that one of the main motivations for them contacting us was that they have their own house parties and they were evaluating whether we would fit in with their other friends. I’m pretty sure we passed.

They had seen on the website where we had RSVP’d to attend the same house party this weekend and they were going too. They said they were looking forward to seeing us there. And also while Danielle and I excused ourselves to visit in the restrooms (separately no playing around or anything) before driving home Jack asked Jo if there was any chance of them getting to play with us. Jo told him that it probably could happen. She wasn’t entirely sure how I felt about Danielle so she didn’t make any strong assurances. I found her attractive, smart, and interesting to talk to and I was fine with them as a couple so I expect we will sometime get together with them.

Today we got another message from them via the swinger website saying they really enjoyed talking to us too and they hope to see us this weekend, if not then they want to get together sometime soon.

We are looking forward to it.

Jo gets another hall pass

I was out of town this weekend and Jo was home with her kids. The club was having a three day party for Memorial Day weekend and she decided to get away from the kids and house to have a little fun on Sunday night. She went to the club by herself again (the first time was documented here).

This time there weren’t any single men she was interested in. She hung out with Tom & Mary and Andy & Ronda, and talked to Rocky for quite a while. She also danced with a few other guys.

Tom was quite interested in her and did a lot of rubbing against her on the dance floor. But she wasn’t at all certain Mary would be okay with her playing with Tom. She learned a lot about Ronda we didn’t know before. From their profile on the club website it would appear they were interested in finding others to play with both at the club and outside the club. And as they live near to us, and are very attractive, we thought it would be a good match for us. But it turns out that Ronda had a bad previous relationship, has some some serious trust issues, and doesn’t want anyone other than Tom being intimate with her. And isn’t really comfortable with Tom being with another woman either.

One of the interesting things that came out of the discussion was that Ronda expressed surprise that Jo would go to the club by herself. “You are so brave!” she told Jo. “Did you tell Bob you were going?”, she asked. Jo told her she had and that she had come to the club before and had an experience she didn’t think she could ever top. And then when I came home we “had sex about 45 times.” That was a bit of an exaggeration but it certainly captured the sentiment of what happened when I came home. Ronda just couldn’t understand that even though Tom agreed with the likelihood of that happening. I wish I could have been there to explain it.

There was one guy that really, really wanted to play with Jo, but she was not interested in, and she had to be a little insistent, while still being polite, to extract herself from his attention. She left and went home early without ever going into the play area. I was a bit disappointed but understood the feeling she expressed of being a third wheel with all the couples and few single men none of which were interesting to her.

Is that weird?

Jo and I went to our usual club last night. It had been a long time due to various life events that got in the way of our recreational activities as well as checking out the other club.

We chatted with Tim for while at the snack table. We are very unlikely to play with him and his wife Candy because some of his sexual preferences are outside of our comfort zone. He is usually very interesting to talk to but this time he appeared to be stoned or something.

We then hung out at the bar with Sean for a while before dinner. We have had a moderate interest in him and his wife Martha for quite some time but never have been able to follow up on it. Martha was late getting there and he was still waiting for her to arrive when we went to the buffet table for dinner. So we ended up looking for someone else interesting to sit with. There wasn’t much of real interest but we finally selected a table with a couple and a single woman. We didn’t recognize any of them and thought maybe they were brand new.

It turns out it was the very first time for the woman, Cynthia,  who was part of the couple. Her male friend, Aaron, had been a member for several years but did a lot of travel, world-wide, and sometimes doesn’t attend for months at a time. The single woman,  Uriah, usually attends with her boyfriend but he had been encouraging her to come without him and this was her first time doing so.

The three of them were happily involved in conversation when we arrived but they quickly included us. They wanted to know if Uriah’s boyfriend should have told her “I love you” after four years together. She wasn’t sure if it was a reasonable expectation. They knew they would never get married and they weren’t living together. But the consensus was that he “needed to be talked to.” Jo volunteered. I think she would do it too. He better watch out the next time he shows up when we are around.

Uriah told us that she comes to the club to make her boyfriend happy. She enjoys herself, but it is mostly because her boyfriend likes to see her be with someone else. He doesn’t have an interest in other women, just watching her with other men, “Is that weird?”, she asked.

I told her there were evolutionary reasons for him to enjoy that. I enjoyed it too. And that I didn’t think it was all that weird once you understood. She didn’t understand and wanted me to explain.

I told her about something I had read about there being multiple solution to evolutionary problems. There is a “problem” when the spouse of a male has sex with someone other than that male because they are at risk of providing support for someone that does not pass on their genes. Hence anger, driving off the other male, and punishing the female reduce this risk and are a solution to this problem. But there is a another solution that also works. And that is for the male to displace the semen of the other male with that of his own. There is physiological evidence of this solution in the shape of the male penis. It is scoop like and when moved back and forth in the vagina moves material from the inside to the outside of the vagina. There is further evidence of this solution being used in that men who suspect his female partner has been having sex with someone else has greater ejaculate volume than a man that does not suspect that. And greater still if he has seen her with another man.

She protested, “But neither of us want to have any more children. So how can that be what he is thinking?” “It’s not a rational thought process”, I countered.

It is something very deep down in the brain that is beyond anything you are consciously aware of. It’s what the man feels. He feels excited and wants to have sex with the woman he has seen have sex with another male. He then ejaculates more and perhaps gets more pleasure from the experience. He doesn’t know why he feels that way but it happens. It has been solving an evolutionary problem since perhaps before our ancestors were sentient.

Aaron chipped in telling Cynthia, “I would love to see you have sex with another man!”

What I would like to know is if all men have both “solutions” built in and can “turn on and off” which one solution is implemented in a given situation. Or do they have just one solution? Can someone who explodes in a jealous rage when their spouse has sex with another be “reprogramed” to take advantage of that for the mutual pleasure of everyone involved?

It was Trivia night at the club and Aaron and Cynthia left to go to the play area soon after the Trivia answer sheets were handed out. Uriah, Jo, and I played and our team tied for second place. Uriah and I continued talking through the trivia game and it was pretty obvious she was interested in me. But without someone for Jo I didn’t encourage it much. When the trivia game was over Jo and I got up and Uriah did as well saying something like, “Well, at least I came by myself, talked with people and had dinner.” I interpreted this as her wanting to know if we, or I, were going to invite her to the play area. I told her that I enjoyed talking to her and hoped to see her there again sometime.

Jo and I went off to the play area together. We saw Aaron and Cynthia having sex together and a few others. But we just played with each other and then went home somewhat early.

Quote of the week: Carl Pham

Hence, if I have sexual pleasure in the context of marriage — the marriage must be good! And the more I get my rocks off, the better it is!

These are “people” only in the broadest sense of the word. A previous, more perceptive age might’ve labeled them animals who walk on their hind legs.

Carl Pham
May 13, 2014

I found this comment in NEWS YOU CAN USE: Think Swinging Will Save Your Marriage? Think Again. He was referring to people such as Jo and I who enjoy group sex and other forms of non-monogamous relationships.

And here I thought we defeated the Nazis who regarded other people as sub humans in the mid 1940’s. But perhaps the “more perceptive age” he is referring to is the early 1940’s in Germany.

Hotel party

Jo and I went to parties at our usual club last month on the 23rd and the 26th. The parties were not particularly interesting. We did volunteer work on the 26th and came away thinking something along the lines of, “We spent nine hours here and we didn’t do anything more interesting than watch a few other people have sex with their own partners. Sure, we talked to some people but it was a big investment without much in return.”

Jo and I decided to check out a different club. We decided to try a party held at a hotel. I knew some of the people putting on the parties and had known of the club for several years but had never been there before. They take over a couple floors of a hotel and a large conference room. Jo did all the contact and information gathering to get us into the party and then we thought about it for a while to decide whether we wanted to go or not. It is further away than our usual club and was going to be different. An almost completely different set of people, a much different dynamic because of it being in a hotel. And who knows what else will be different?

A few days ago Calvin and Jerri sent us a text message saying they would be going. We still weren’t decided and we told them we were thinking about it. We then sent them a message Friday night telling them we had decided to go.

We decided to eat dinner at home rather than at the party so we could save some money and spend more time with Jo’s kids. This probably made socializing a bit more difficult. Everyone was at tables when we arrived and the people that looked interesting to us were at tables without any room to join them.

Rebecca was at the bar getting a drink after we checked in and started exploring. She pointed us to the table where Calvin and Jerri were but we decided we didn’t want to head straight for them. We explored the floor with the designated play area rooms and got invited to go to with one couple to their room to get a drink. We weren’t sure if this was an invite to play, just being polite as they got themselves a drink, or offering us a drink. It was a tiny bit awkward and we left after a bit. I think it was just being polite. They were nice to talk to but they weren’t a great match for us physically.

We, well mostly Jo, happily chatted with a number of people and danced when the live band started playing. Calvin and Jo seemed to be magically attracted to each other and kept spending time together dancing, kissing, and making out in the conference room. I was, as usual, kind of shy and didn’t pursue anyone. At the urging of Jo I did sit down with Rebecca when she was all alone and talked to her for a while. Another woman came back to the table and I chatted with her some too.  Eventually both their husbands came back to the table and I felt a little awkward and I left.

At one point Jo and Calvin were around the corner in a hallway making out and I was watching the dance floor.  Jerri was dancing with another woman, Kathy, and she motioned for me to join them. She chastised me a little bit for just standing around and not participating. She asked were Jo was and I told her he was with her husband around the corner. She smiled and we danced. After a while Jo and Calvin joined us on the dance floor and Kathy’s husband did as well. Jerri rubbed against me and there was a lot of touching. She eventually migrated to Kathy’s husband and I danced and talked with Kathy some. She asked how long we had been in the lifestyle and I told her “a pretty long time”. “How about you?” I asked. “About two minutes.” Oh! Really new.

Eventually Jo and I kind of ended up wandering around alone as more and more people left the conference room and headed for the play rooms. Jo suggested we go home. She was really interested in playing with Calvin but we never got a really strong feeling of interest for me from anyone. It would be easy to categorize the attention from Jerri as being polite.

We decided to say good-bye to the people still there that we had spent time with and then go. When I said good-bye to Jerri she looked disappointed and stood very close to me and asked, “Could I convince you to stay?” I told her, “You probably could!” She kissed me and then she asked Jo the same question and we agreed to stay. Kathy, her husband, Calvin, Jerri, Jo and I then went off to the play rooms together. It was crowed. There were lots of people in the halls but we did find a room with two beds with only one bed occupied with another couple having sex. Jo and Jerri almost immediately dropped their clothes to the floor (I helped Jerri with a zipper and an eye hook) and Calvin and I started undressing too. Kathy and her husband were hesitant. But after everyone else was naked they slowly undressed to their underwear. It was interesting to see their expressions. They had never done or seen anything like this. Jerri joined Calvin in giving attention to Jo and I joined Kathy and her husband on the bed. She had ditched her bra and her husband was kissing her on the breasts and I cautiously joined in. I told her to be sure and say “No” at any point. She said, “I’m game for anything!” I proceeded cautiously anyway and after a short while her husband drifted off to give Jerri some attention as she continued to play with Jo.

Kathy and I engaged in a lot of foreplay and had sex. After the other bed emptied Calvin and Jo utilized it to have sex. Jerri sat on a chair and Kathy’s husband performed oral sex on her for quite a while. Other people drifted in and out and various women touched me as their partners touched Kathy as we were having sex. We were finished about the same time Jo and Calvin did. Jerri and I both joined them on their bed. Calvin and I on the outside and Jo and Jerri on the inside with me next to Jerri and Calvin next to Jo. We, cuddled, talked, and observed the other people.

One of the new men in the room started having sex with Kathy and her husband started having sex with his partner. The newbies were getting quite the introduction to the lifestyle!

We probably talked and cuddled for 45 minutes or so and finally decided it was so late that we had to leave. It was nearly 2:00 AM and we had a 40 minute drive home.

Calvin and Jerri got up to leave and I rolled over to kiss Jo and we had sex again with each other.

Jo was really tired and slept quite a bit on the way home but she was ready for more sex when we got into bed. And this morning, before her daughter announced her Mother’s Day breakfast was ready, we had sex again.

It was a nice experience. It really depends so much on the people attending but we will probably go back to that club again.