Married women seek out sex

This is no surprise to me and probably not any of our lifestyle friends but it is supposedly news on the Huffington Post:

Apparently, unfaithful wives want to have their cake and eat it too. According to a new study, women who cheat on their husbands are looking for passion and sex, but they have no desire to end their marriages.

Anderson found that 67 percent of these married ladies were specifically looking for more “romantic passion,” aka sex. None wanted to actually leave their husbands and most even painted their clueless spouses in a positive light.

If these women were fulfilled emotionally, why the romantic ennui? “Our results reflect not marital disharmony, but the sexual monotony that is a social fact of the nature of long-term monogamous relationships,” Anderson said in a statement. “The most predictable thing about a relationship is that, the longer it progresses, the quality and the frequency of sex between the couple will fade. This is because we get used to and bored of the same body.”

And what does the author say about this study? She struggles to find exceptions and alternatives to having other sex partners.

The data is there. Why not just accept the facts, relax, stop being a prude, and have some fun in your life?

Where is the data on humans?

Interesting:

In environments where sperm from multiple males are competing intra-vaginally for fertilization, cooperation may actually increase the odds of reproductive success. Think of it this way: in species that are promiscuous by nature, sperm from the same male might have a tendency to cooperate instead of compete in order to reduce the odds that sperm from another male will reach the egg first.

Indeed, this is what the Harvard study found: the researchers studied two species of mice, one that is promiscuous by nature (Peromyscus maniculatus) and one that is monogamous (Peromyscus polionotus). In the promiscuous mice (where sperm from multiple males are often competing in the female reproductive tract), their sperm had a tendency to clump together in optimally sized packs that ended up reaching the egg faster. In contrast, in the monogamous mice (where sperm don’t have any external competition), their sperm were less likely to form these optimally sized packs.

If the authors of Sex at Dawn: How We Mate, Why We Stray, and What It Means for Modern Relationships are correct then humans should have sperm that tend to clump together. If the author of Sex at Dusk: Lifting the Shiny Wrapping from Sex at Dawn is correct then human sperm will tend not to clump together.

So why haven’t the Harvard researchers published the data?

I have to trust someone before I let them between my legs

Last night Jo and I did some volunteer work at our usual club. We helped with setup, greeting people at the door, and then served dinner to people at their tables. In part because we were still recovering from a bad experience last Sunday and partly because we had to go to the airport very early the next morning we didn’t stay after dinner. But we had a nice time.

We got most of our volunteer work done for this quarter and talked with a few people. Probably the most interesting conversation was rather short and completely unexpected.

While we were waiting for people to be seated for dinner I went to a position near my assigned tables and watched as people came into the dining area. Tanya was serving the tables next to mine and as she walked past me to her tables she briefly put her arm around me and then rubbed my back for a few seconds as she asked me which tables I had. I told her and she said hers were next to mine and we would be bumping into each other then.

Wow! I had long thought she was quite attractive but her husband, Ichabod, wasn’t a good match for Jo so I hadn’t talked to her beyond that required for the times when we worked our volunteer shifts together. This was the first time she had shown any interest in me that I had noticed. I wasn’t going to let the opportunity go to waste though. Even if it was unlikely we would ever play with them as a couple I should encourage her for making a pretty overt gesture toward me. And it would be good practice for me. I know it’s tough for most women to make overt gestures. The risk of rejection usually causes them to make much more subtle gestures which run the risk of being unobserved by oblivious men (like I tend to be). Jo noticed the move too and rather than walk past us on the way to her tables took a different tact.

As Tanya moved a few feet away to be closer to her tables I approached and engaged her in a conversation. I said that we hadn’t seen her in quite a while. Had they been coming and we just missed them?

They had attended the party on July 19th. But hadn’t made the one hour drive from their place several times when they had originally planned to. It was a long drive and if you were tired already it just didn’t seem like worth the effort to get ready and make the trip. We had attended that party but were so wrapped up in Sean and Martha that we probably just didn’t see Tanya and Ichabod. I told her that we had been attending other events. I told her about the house parties we had been attending and she expressed quite a bit of interest. Partially because it was a lot closer to them that our usual club.

I explained we had been somewhat disappointed in how things had turned out at our usual club for some time and were having better luck finding what we wanted at the house parties. She asked what we were looking for. I told her “full swap” and being able to become friends. The dinner at a table with another couple or two at the club meant that if it wasn’t a good match then it was really tough to connect with another couple that evening. Connecting with someone on the dance floor wasn’t really feasible because you couldn’t really talk there. And hooking up with someone in the mirror room when you exchanged names while having sex wasn’t making friends before you played.

I explained the house parties had a different dynamic because of the physical layout. People all standing around in the kitchen and living room made the opportunity to mix and talk to other people you were attracted to much easier. You could spend a few minutes with a couple and move on if they weren’t what you were interested in. She seemed intrigued by this and said something I thought was rather profound and succinct and when I told Jo about it she liked it too. Tanya told me, “I have to trust someone before I let them between my legs. I want someone there but I have to trust them first.” We had to start doing our jobs as servers then but she said she wanted to talk to me about these house parties more later.

I didn’t get a chance to talk with her after dinner but Jo and I talked about the conversation in the car was we drove home. Jo said, “That’s what I need to do. I need to make sure I trust them before I get into bed with them.”

It was hell

Last Sunday we had dinner with a couple who had contacted us via SwingLifeStyle.com a couple months ago. They live out of state and were going to be visiting family for a few days and wanted to met some swingers while they were here.

We talked on the phone with them and exchanged several email and text messages. They seemed like a pretty good match for us.

Dinner went well with a couple hours of very pleasant conversation and they invited us back to their hotel “for a drink”. Jo and I agreed and we walked from the restaurant back to their hotel with them. Stan and Jo held hands and talked and Sandy and I did the same.  They poured glasses of wine but we quickly ended up in bed together. Stan and Jo had their clothes off and were in bed so quickly that I joked that it was a race and that Sandy and I were losing.

Sandy and I proceeded somewhat slowly and we enjoyed our time together. I was watching Jo and Stan and although I didn’t pick up any overt signals I was concerned things were going as well for her. Stan was a bit on the large side and Jo, while very tall, has a petite build. Stan wasn’t at all gentle and Jo seemed to be taking a bit of a pounding. Far more than I had ever done with her. But then I have a reputation for being very gentle. Some women like it rougher than what I care for. Maybe Jo was okay. But I wasn’t sure.

Long after Sandy and I were done and just laying there touching and talking Stan was pounding away at Jo. Finally Jo said she needed a break.

We all talked for while and when Stan wanted to start again Jo said we needed to go home because we had to work the next morning. I quickly agreed even though it wasn’t all that late.

As we walked back to the car Jo told me it was hell for her. She was done. Right now she didn’t want to have sex ever again. Not with anyone. All sex with men was repulsive to her and she didn’t want to touch me either. She wasn’t mad at me. She didn’t blame me. But it was a really bad experience for her.

She had recovered enough that we were able to cuddle up and sleep shortly after we got home. We had sex again Tuesday morning. After a couple more days she was in a much better mood and could talk about it but still not really recovered. She realizes probably isn’t entirely true but her attitude is that the reason some women are into the lifestyle is so they can have sex with better lovers than what they have at home. “Sex with you is a like an art form”, she told me. I took exception to that. I don’t think I do anything particularly special. I’ve long had a reputation as being very gentle but I don’t do a bunch of different or particularly interesting positions. The missionary position is about all that I do after a some manual and oral foreplay.

We have talked about “what went wrong” and “what we could have done differently”. There weren’t any early signs. It wasn’t until they were actually in bed “banging away” that she knew it was a mistake to be with him. I suppose she could have disengaged much sooner but there is a lot of reluctance to do that. You don’t want to spoil things for everyone else. But “taking one for the team” spoils things too. If/when we are with another couple again I think we need to make very sure it’s okay with each other to abort a situation at any time for any reason. It’s not worth the cost of having such a bad experience.

They weren’t doing it right!

Last night we went to our usual club. It was better than we have seen it in a long time. There were something like 150 people there and the “energy” was good. There were a lot of people on the dance floor and we met some new people that were interesting to talk to. They were people there who weren’t just “exploring” or “checking things out”.

We sat at a table with a couple that has a 12-year old at home and doesn’t attend very often even though they have been members for over ten years. They were very enthusiastic about the club and the lifestyle and we really enjoyed talking to them. We thought they might be interested in playing with us. Certainly there was some interest. He, with permission, put some chocolate pudding on Jo’s shoulder and licked it off.

We aren’t sure what went wrong there. Perhaps we weren’t responsive enough or she wasn’t all that interested in me. But they went to the dance floor and quick hooked up with another couple.

We danced for quite a while as well but didn’t really connect with anyone.

We stood in the lobby for a while and decided we had to “do something” because dancing and standing around wasn’t working. We went over to a drink/socializing table (no chairs with the table height appropriate for standing) with four other people. I started to introduce myself but Jo took me off guard at the last second and said she was going to “do the height check”. There was another woman at the table who was quite tall and Jo stood next to her and compared their heights. The other woman, Xena, took it in stride and conceded that Jo was just a tad taller than her. I then pointed out that Jo was in bare feet. Xena’s jaw dropped. She was wearing heels almost four inches tall.

Xena is quite the character. We barely had to contribute as she entertained us with her stories. The most memorable one was her explaining how she got into the lifestyle.

She told us she had been “doing this” since she was 19 years old but first tried it when she was 16. She knew from the first time she saw porn on the Internet that, “I want to do that!” She convinced her boyfriend and a girl friend to have a threesome with her. They all got together and she was using her hand on his cock and trying to “do something” with her girlfriend but they were just pretty much curled up and not moving. She was really frustrated with them, “They weren’t doing it right!”

It was getting late and Jo and I decided to move on. Xena was rather young for us, we suspected about 35 but later we found out she is 32, and we didn’t really see who, if anyone, her partner was. But Xena told us, “I want to see you guys again, like later tonight!” We smiled and drifted on to the play area by ourselves.

We “made the loop” looking for a couple or two to be near that might be interesting. We settled for a bed a few feet away from the couple we had dinner with and the couple they hooked up with. They were in a semi-private area and we were in public area. We played each other a little bit and then moved on when there wasn’t any response from any of the people walking by or the foursome in the bed next to us.

We made another loop and stood outside the mirror room. Jo kept asking me if I wanted to go in there. I said it would be fine if she wanted that. She said it would be fine “as long as no one there touches me”. It didn’t sound like something she really wanted to do it so I resisted that for a while. She keep suggesting it and finally when some space opened up so there was more room for us such that touching from others was less likely we went in and laid down in the open space.

We touched each other and watched Janice in a MFM threesome with another couple on one side of us and different couple on the other side of us. The second couple left after a few minutes and was soon replaced with a still different couple. We continued our foreplay and voyeurism for a while. The new couple were heavily involved in foreplay as well. The guy looked quite interested in us but I didn’t think Jo would be interested in him and the woman wasn’t showing any detectable interest so I didn’t indicate any interest in them. After a while they started talking some about the images in the mirrors above us. “He looks like the Star Trek captain” I heard them say about me. I’m not sure who said what after that but there was a little bit of talk between us before I continued the foreplay with Jo. The woman of the couple changed her position some such that she was closer to me and the guy continued stroking her. I was pretty sure this was a signal they were both interested in us but I hadn’t gotten any signals from Jo she was interested so I mostly ignored things but did move to between her legs for oral sex. This would give her unrestricted access to the other woman if she decided she was interested.

It took less than a minute for the other woman to ask if she could touch Jo. Jo quickly gave permission as I continued to eat on her. When the other woman reached for Jo’s crotch I moved back just a bit to give her access and as Jo responded favorably I backed up even more and reached to touch the other woman’s leg.

The other guy asked if he could touch Jo and again permission was granted and I moved a bit closer to the other woman and the guy said, “Go right ahead!” So I began to eat on her and use my fingers on her as she continued her manual and oral stimulation of Jo.

It wasn’t long before the other guy put on a condom and was busy having sex with Jo. The other woman performed oral sex on me for a while then I went back to doing that with her before putting on a condom and having sex with her as well. It was in the middle of having sex that she introduced herself. Her name was Jennifer and her husband was Kip.

After we were done having sex we talked with them for quite a while. They lived out of state had been in the lifestyle several years. They occasionally traveled to our club and said they had talked to us before but we didn’t remember them. We didn’t have a clock visible or watch with us but knew it was getting late and finally said we needed to get going. We were driving home but they were spending the night.

As we were entering the crowded dressing room Xena was just entering as well. She still had all her clothes on and could tell we were preparing to leave. “You assholes!”, she mock scolded us. “I told you to wait for me”, she said. We said we had to be going and she had stayed in the dining area instead of moving to the play area when we did. She insisted on playing with Jo’s breasts and made approving sounds and gestures at my nude body as well as I watched her give Jo all the physical attention. Jo finally moved on and still other people wanted to touch Jo as well. Jo let them have a small touch and snaked her way between people to get to our locker. She then decided she needed to use the bathroom and was conflicted because she didn’t really want to go through “the booby gantlet” again. I pointed out a bathroom that didn’t necessitate going through the crowd of people. She utilized the bathroom, we got dressed, and went back to the dining room for the midnight snack. It was past 12:30 and, especially after sex, food is a popular attraction that late at night.

By the time we got home and prepared for bed it was past 1:30 and we were both very tired. We didn’t have sex again until the next morning.

Don’t read Cosmo for the sex tips

There was a time when I would get suckered into reading a Cosmo article or two because of the enticing article title on the cover of the magazine. I stopped being suckered many years ago but that doesn’t mean other people don’t still get suckered. Apparently the enticement that suckered Jenny Block in was, “28 Mind-Blowing Lesbian Sex Positions”.

What is nice is that in the age of the Internet you can easily ridicule them:

It was as if a straight frat boy took out his doodle pad and drew every scene from every porn he had ever witnessed with Barbie or Disney princesses playing the leading roles, with their impossibly tiny bodies and silky, gravity-defying hair.

The positions were all hetero-normative fantasies of lesbian sex at their worst and silly at their best.

But I didn’t realize how truly insane and downright impossible they were until I called on my queer friends to act them out. I mean there was no way. Arms and legs were missing. It was impossible to hold up one’s own body weight, let alone the body weight of the other person in half of them. We had to balance on our tip toes and contort our bodies in the most insane ways. And, most importantly, there was nothing arousing about any of it.

Jenny and her friend posed and took pictures of each of the positions. Read the whole thing.

You get more attention when you are naked

We went to the monthly house party last night. There weren’t nearly as many people attending as usual. There was another house party being held not too far away at the same time which drew some away. There weren’t that many people of interest showing up on the RSVP list but we have always had a good time there so we decided to go anyway.

Shortly after we arrived Jo gave me the challenge to talk to and kiss at least two women while there. I have a tendency to be a “wallflower” so it was a bit of a challenge for me. Kissing women I had kissed before didn’t count.

It wasn’t too long before Donna (she was the one who took such an interest in Jo’s long legs last March) approached Jo and insisted she take off the nylons so she could inspect the legs. Things progressed to the point where Barb suggested they just take off all the clothes. So they did and then they went for a little trip through the kitchen out onto the deck. They were quite the hit and collected lots of kisses and pets from both men and women. Donna insisted that I never allow Jo to wear nylons to the party again. She insisted those legs must be accessible.

The clothes went back on and we wandered around some. Some independently and some together. I saw Jackie dancing with the pole and after she made some eye contact that appeared to be inviting I approached and dance with her some. She rubbed her but against me and I pushed and rubbed back and kissed her neck and put my arms around her from behind. After a bit she said she needed to go check on her husband Ben. I already knew Ben was quite interested in Jo and Jo was okay with Ben as well. She said she would come back but didn’t so I wandered off to tell Jo of my moderate accomplishment.

Jo was with sitting on a couch Donna. Donna was trying to arrange a multiple cock sucking situation for herself and Jo. I was invited along with several other guys. We all dropped our pants and Jo and Donna sucked and stroked the various cocks for a while. More people came around to watch but Donna was ready to move on to other things. Explained to me that she does the outrageous flirting thing with a bunch of different people so that she is in control. She can sort of sample all of them and then decide if she wants to get their number and arrange to meet with her and her husband outside the party or maybe continue to play with them at the party. She and I kissed for a while and she asked for our number. She said she liked us and would like to play with us outside the party environment. Her husband was of interest to Jo as well so I gave her my number.

We talked to several other people and keep getting caught up with Donna again and again. I finally asked if she would like to go to the play area with us. She said, “Maybe later.” I’m not sure if that really meant later or it was just a polite way of saying not tonight. In any case Jo and I were getting tired and needed to go home soon.

We debated with ourselves going home or going to the play area by ourselves. We decided to go to the play area by ourselves. As we were about to enter the play area we bumped into Randi. She is one of the administrators of the party and has greeted us at the door when we arrived several times. She asked if we were having a good time and I asked if she was having a good time. She said she couldn’t find anyone to play with. I told her there were lots of guys that would love to play with her. “Who?” she asked. “She can play with us”, Jo whispered in my other ear. I was surprised but I told Randi, “You can play with us if you like.” Randi had expressed an interest in me at our first visit to this house party but Jo wasn’t interested in her husband Ken so I had not encouraged her before. But Ken was nowhere in sight and Randi was actively looking for a playmate.

Randi quickly agreed and asked if she could bring her husband along. Jo’s said she wasn’t that interested so the three of us went into a bedroom together. There was a lot of kissing and touching between everyone and I ultimately I had intercourse with Jo for a while then pulled out, put on a condom and had sex with Randi to completion. We lay in bed for a while talking and cuddling and finally another couple, Carl and May, came in. They seemed interested in joining us. May positioned herself between my feet and lower legs and stroked me some. Jo has no interest in Carl and said she needed to us the bathroom and hurried out. I wasn’t going to stay and play without her but I stayed just long enough to say good-bye to Randi. Carl was starting to get things going with Randi as Jo came back and I rolled out of bed. We said good-bye to some of the people not busy playing and left for home later than normal.

Shortly after getting in the car Jo told me, “You get a lot more attention when you are naked.” I gave her “a look” and smiled.

It was a nice party from my viewpoint. I kissed Donna, had sex with Jo and Randi in a threesome, and did some heavy flirting with Jackie. Jo said she was a little disappointed but had a nice time. There was a lot of work that went into keeping up with the attention from Donna without anything really coming of it. Maybe next time…

We got home very late and didn’t have sex again until this morning.

Meet and greet success

Last night we had planned on going to a house party. We found it on SLS, clicked the link saying we would attend, and thought we were all “good to go”. But after a few days we got a message saying we were out of the age range they were looking for. They were restricting attendance to those between 25 and 45 years of age. We are both at least five years over that. Okay. We were a bit disappointed but understood. We appreciate some of the restriction on other party we go to. Going to a party where everyone is height and weight proportionate (HWP) and people interested in full swap makes for a much better party for us.

We were also a little disappointed because Alfred and Debbie were going to be there. It’s nice to have someone you know when you go someplace new. They had indicated they were looking forward to seeing us again too so we sent them a message telling them we had been uninvited and Debbie sent back a really nice message saying I looked much younger than my real age and that she didn’t have a problem with my age. Since she is 26 years younger than me that was a real boost to my ego.

We decided to go to a meet and greet instead.

It was the same umbrella organization that had the one we didn’t care for a few months ago but this was a 45 minute drive in the opposite direction so we figured the odds were good we would find a completely different set of people.

It turned out well. We talked to several different couples. The two most interesting couples were those that approached us. They were probably the most nice looking of the people we saw there so that was very flattering too. We exchanged contact information with one couple and know how to get in touch with the other couple so maybe something will work out with them in the future.

The only problem is that both couple are a fair distance away from us. One is a 45 minute drive and the other is an hour and 40 minutes away.

We wish we could find some people closer to home. I went through the SLS listings for people close to home and plan to review the most promising ones with Jo to see if we can find friends where we don’t have to invest so much in travel time.

Quote of the week: Alain de Botton

If seeing marriage as the perfect answer to all our hopes for love, sex, and family is naive and misguided, so too is believing that adultery can be an effective antidote to the disappointments of marriage. It is impossible to sleep with someone outside of marriage and not spoil the things we care about inside it. There is no answer to the tensions of marriage.

Alain de Botton
From 12 Rude Revelations About Sex

I’m reminded of proverb, “Those who think it’s impossible shouldn’t interrupt those who are doing it.”

That was rude

I had rather high hopes for last night. As of Wednesday we had two fairly good opportunities. Janice and Nick were attending and Alex and Alice had RSVP’d for the party after Jo told them we would like to meet them there. Then as we were leaving home Sean and Martha RSVP’d.

Hmm… what if two or more couples wanted to play with us? Who and how would we choose?

It turned out that by the time we arrived Alex and Alice had removed their RSVP. Scratch one couple.

Janice and Nick were “obviously a couple” tonight and although we chatted with them we didn’t pursue anything with them.

That left Sean and Martha. Martha was dressed in a black corset, black lace panties, fishnet stockings, and high heels. Jo pronounced her “smoking hot” and wanted to take pictures. We went outside where there was better light and took a bunch of pictures.

That was a good start.

We ate dinner together then when the entertainment started we found a table outside where it was quieter and a little bit cooler. We talked for at least a couple hours. We talked about our crazy ex-spouses quite a bit. Sean and Martha are still working on their divorces and it was interesting hearing about their situations. Sean’s ex has the same personality disorder as my ex. He would tell us some story and Jo or I would almost yell in agreement with it. He would state the conclusion to my stories before I had finished it. We really connected.

It got a little bit strange part when a single guy, R, came outside and sat down with us uninvited. He tried to join in the conversation but we didn’t encourage him very much and he left after 10 minutes or so.

As it got later we started getting a little cold and the mosquitos were biting Jo so we went inside to play in the inflatable bouncy house for a bit. Sean and Martha were going to change their clothes and we expected to meet them there. We bounced for a few minutes and had fun like a couple of kids laughing and jumping up and down.

We then went looking for Sean and Martha and couldn’t find them. We didn’t go into the play area because that would have required two changes of clothes when it was really time for us to just go home. We ended up going home without saying good-bye.

As we left we discussed the evening. We decided the no show on the part of Alex and Alice  was really rude and that we wouldn’t invest any more time in them. Janice and Nick were doing the couple thing and that was understandable since Janice had suggested we play together without consulting Nick.

It was really nice to connect so well with Sean and Martha. We enjoyed it even if we didn’t end up playing together. I think we are getting closer.

We had sex with each other when we got home then again the next morning.

The next morning we sent Sean and Martha an email saying we were sorry to have missed saying good-bye to them but that we enjoyed the conversation and looked forward to seeing them again.