After my ex-wife and I decided we had enough children we both got sterilized. Condoms sometimes fail, we didn’t use them with all playmates, she was allergic to the spermicide used with diaphragms, she didn’t want to be taking hormones for another 20 years, and she was somewhat careless with birth control anyway. On my side I really didn’t want to risk getting some other woman pregnant.
For some reason I found it sexually exciting. After the surgery I was told, “No ejaculations for a week.” I could hardly wait. The frustration of that week was extreme. I thought about sex nearly constantly. “This is a little odd”, I thought.
That was nearly 30 years ago and I can still give myself an excitement boost by thinking about being sterile when I’m having sex. This is especially true if I know the woman is probably fertile and the only thing preventing her from getting pregnant is that I had a vasectomy.
My positive experience isn’t all that unusual:
Results revealed that of those men, 12.4 percent reported having sex more often after the vasectomy, while only 4.5 percent of men reported having sex less often. In addition, vasectomized men reported better erectile function, better orgasms, more sexual desire and overall more sexual satisfaction.
I may be a little weird but I’m also consistent. I also get excited knowing a woman has been sterilized and is having sex with a fertile man.
STIs are a major concern for many people in the lifestyle and HIV is probably the most feared. After several years in the lifestyle my ex-wife and I had our last sexual contact with others at a Memorial Day weekend party in 1983. We stopped because of the concern about HIV. Once or twice a year we cautiously, with condoms, played with others who had also “taken a break” for a long time. It wasn’t until 1995 that lifestyle things sort of returned to normal. Condoms were required except for “closed communities” of select couples who also restricted themselves to playing within our “community”.
Now there is some significant hope for a HIV vaccine and perhaps cure:
Scientists have engineered an antibody that attacks 99% of HIV strains and can prevent infection in primates.
It is built to attack three critical parts of the virus – making it harder for HIV to resist its effects.
The work is a collaboration between the US National Institutes of Health and the pharmaceutical company Sanofi.
The International Aids Society said it was an “exciting breakthrough”. Human trials will start in 2018 to see if it can prevent or treat infection.
From Dr. Justin Lehmiller:
If my recollection is correct the “had group sex” numbers are about the same as they were in the late 1970’s. Again, if I remember right, about 10% of the population had “tried swinging” and about 2% were active swingers at any one time.
Hmm… this could lead to something interesting:
In 2008, sexual activity was decriminalized in the most famous and popular park in all of Amsterdam, Vondelpark (which receives 10 million visitors per year). However, to avoid problems with the police, it’s important to know that, under this law, sex is restricted to nighttime and, further, making excessive noise and/or leaving a mess behind (like used condoms) can get you in trouble.
There are house parties, party houses, hotel takeovers, campouts, and now it appears possible to have a party park.
This is a very friendly and accurate article on non-monogamy as we know it. A sample:
My husband and I met when we were very young, and after being together for a while we realised we wanted to try different things sexually. I had always been attracted to other men and wanted to experience sex with a woman.
Then when I was travelling I had an affair. As soon as I came home I told my husband and we decided to have an open relationship. He went on to find a lover. Then we had a threesome with the man I had slept with and from then on decided to have a completely open relationship (an arrangement that’s been in place now for 10 years). We both travel a lot for work, so we tend to meet lovers while we are away. We have also gone to swinger clubs together.
This is from The Guardian. Are we going mainstream?
I found this fascinating:
I then asked, “How many of you would like to date a nice, sweet, kind man?” Hands started going up. I then said, “Let me put it another way. How many would like to date an arrogant, flashy guy?” The hands went down. In fact, not a single woman raised her hand. I pointed this out stating, “Not one of you raised your hand and that’s why you lie.” I then said, “But here’s the problem. You don’t even know you’re lying.” Researchers have found discrepancies in what a woman says she wants in a dating partner and the man she actually picks to date.
For example, researchers at Rice University wanted to know if a man flaunting a flashy red Porsche would get more dates than a man in a more economical car like the Honda Civic. They conducted a study asking a woman to pick whom she would most likely go out on a date with, the Porsche guy or the Civic guy. The researchers found that most women picked the Porsche guy. But there is a catch. A woman was most likely to select the Porsche guy for a date, but the Civic guy was more desirable to marry.
We probably have evidence of this in other areas as well. Kind, gentle, stable, “good provider” type men have difficulty attracting women. Many women find them boring. When I started dating again after breaking up with my wife one of the things I put in my online profile was that many people consider me the most interesting person they know and that life is never boring with me. This was despite being able to claim all the “strong, dependable, kind, good provider” type of qualities desired in a life partner.
I didn’t go looking for comparable data for men but I’ll bet there is a similar pattern there as well. Men are attracted to “flashy women”. A woman who flirts with them gets immediate attention even though she is probably flirting with other men as well. We see this at the sex parties we go to. The women dress very provocatively and flirt with a variety of men. This appears to be a very successful strategy at the parties. They are looking for playmates, not life partners, and this dress and behavior increases their selection pool.
This bit of insight is something I probably should put to use when we go to sex parties. I’m an introvert and shy. I should compensate in some fashion to attract women. Women certainly do it. I need to figure out how do dress and act such that I increase my selection pool as well.
Why watch porn when you can experience it?
Lay back and relax. Look around the room and watch as your partners disrobe, revealing smoldering hot bodies. No pressure, just let them do all the work as you experience your first three-way. No need to be nervous, these women will ease you in and show you how it’s done. The blonde one, Anna, whispers naughty things in your right ear, while Sara, the brunette, looks up at you with her big blue eyes asking if you like what’s she’s doing. Some men might even think of this as a dream come true, and unless you turn a little too far in your chair, it feels surprisingly real.
Why watch porn when you can be a part of the real thing? Go to a sex club and experience the actual thing.
The many joyous health benefits of having more sex:
According to research in the Bulletin of Experimental Biology and Medicine, orgasms half the body’s sensitivity to pain, due to the flow of endorphins (read: natural painkillers) they create. What’s more, those endorphins take effect in a matter of minutes – which is far quicker than most over-the-counter drugs available on the high street.
According to a study carried out in Pennsylvania and published in Psychology Report, people who have sex once or twice a week have, on average, 30pc more Immunoglobulin A (IgA), which is used to fight illness, than those who are not sexually active.
According to a study that was published in Biological Psychology, men who have recently had sex respond better to stressful situations.
Men who have sex at least twice a week can almost halve their risk of heart disease, according to research published in 2010 by scientists at the New England Research Institute in Massachusetts.
The study, of over 1,000 men, showed that sex has such a protective effect on the male that its authors went as far as calling for doctors to screen men for sexual activity when assessing their risk of heart disease.
In 2010, research published in the journal PLoS ONE suggested that rats who mate regularly had a higher rate of cell proliferation in the hippocampus, which is the part of the brain linked to memory. The rats also experienced more brain cell growth and a rise in the number of connections between brain cells than those who did not.
In 2013, Dr Weeks told the British Psychological Society that sex has a number of health benefits which can make men and women look between five and seven years younger. Partly, this is due to the health benefits summarised above (a healthy person tends to look younger than an unhealthy person), but he also pointed to the release of human growth hormone in the act of love making, which makes skin look more elastic.
Another piece of research, conducted by scientists at the Royal Edinburgh University, found that couples who merrily romp at least four times a week look a whole decade younger than less libidinous twosomes. The pleasure of penetration releases positive hormones such as adrenalin, dopamine and norepinephrine, which help preserve skin cells and relax muscles, therefore preventing wrinkles.
Jo and I are on the right track.