Quote of the week: Wilma

You can fuck him any way you like. Just don’t give him any fucking cookies.

March 28, 2014

I heard this while Wilma was leading a discussion group on the lifestyle and was reporting how she and her husband stumbled across a “trigger”. Her husband, Rocky, had a playmate that she was fine with. They could have sex and everything was cool. Then the playmate made him a plate of cookies.

No one expected it or understood it but Wilma had a strong reaction to the gift of cookies. She didn’t actually say the words above to the playmate but this is how she ultimately expressed it to get her feelings into manageable words.

It took a while to get it figured out and everything is cool now but it was a great example of the landmines that can blow up in your face in the lifestyle. You can have no idea something was there and then you get a really strong reaction. It takes some sensitivity and a lot of communication to deal with these things.

One woman I took to the club had a similarly strange reaction. This was our second visit to the club. We just played with each other the first time and on our second visit we were with another couple in a play area. She was getting a lot of hot attention for the other guy and I moved slowly with the other woman while watching to make sure my friend was okay with the things that were happening. She seemed to be having a good time and when they started having intercourse I moved from soft stroking of the other woman’s breasts to a kiss. As the kisses grew more passionate my friend became upset to the point it was clear it was time to leave. We disengaged ourselves, put our clothes on and left. She was really steamed and wasn’t even talking to me. It was a several hour drive back to our homes and after maybe thirty minutes she finally told me, “It would have been okay if you were to have fucked her. But not kissed.”

I apologized and told her I didn’t know that was a problem. I told her I didn’t intend to upset her and that I really wanted to talk about it. But there was not reaction from her for another hour.  Finally she reached over and put her hand on my leg. I touched her hand, rubbed it, and said, “Thank you.” I was getting really sleepy anyway and I soon found a motel to check into. I got a room with two beds because I didn’t know what she wanted—she still hadn’t said a word. She got into bed with me and immediately initiated sex.  We had a great time in bed and cuddled up to sleep for the night. We still didn’t talk about it. We talked about other things but not that. A couple of days later in IM she told me she was out of line. She didn’t really understand but the kissing bothered her. She realized it was crazy but that was what she felt. She was enjoying the sex with the other guy until I kissed his wife and then things just fell apart for her.

“Trigger”, “landmine”, whatever. They can show up when you least expect them. There have been a few “firecrackers” with Jo, but all have been relatively minor and easy to deal with.