Last night Jo and I did some volunteer work at our usual club. We helped with setup, greeting people at the door, and then served dinner to people at their tables. In part because we were still recovering from a bad experience last Sunday and partly because we had to go to the airport very early the next morning we didn’t stay after dinner. But we had a nice time.

We got most of our volunteer work done for this quarter and talked with a few people. Probably the most interesting conversation was rather short and completely unexpected.

While we were waiting for people to be seated for dinner I went to a position near my assigned tables and watched as people came into the dining area. Tanya was serving the tables next to mine and as she walked past me to her tables she briefly put her arm around me and then rubbed my back for a few seconds as she asked me which tables I had. I told her and she said hers were next to mine and we would be bumping into each other then.

Wow! I had long thought she was quite attractive but her husband, Ichabod, wasn’t a good match for Jo so I hadn’t talked to her beyond that required for the times when we worked our volunteer shifts together. This was the first time she had shown any interest in me that I had noticed. I wasn’t going to let the opportunity go to waste though. Even if it was unlikely we would ever play with them as a couple I should encourage her for making a pretty overt gesture toward me. And it would be good practice for me. I know it’s tough for most women to make overt gestures. The risk of rejection usually causes them to make much more subtle gestures which run the risk of being unobserved by oblivious men (like I tend to be). Jo noticed the move too and rather than walk past us on the way to her tables took a different tact.

As Tanya moved a few feet away to be closer to her tables I approached and engaged her in a conversation. I said that we hadn’t seen her in quite a while. Had they been coming and we just missed them?

They had attended the party on July 19th. But hadn’t made the one hour drive from their place several times when they had originally planned to. It was a long drive and if you were tired already it just didn’t seem like worth the effort to get ready and make the trip. We had attended that party but were so wrapped up in Sean and Martha that we probably just didn’t see Tanya and Ichabod. I told her that we had been attending other events. I told her about the house parties we had been attending and she expressed quite a bit of interest. Partially because it was a lot closer to them that our usual club.

I explained we had been somewhat disappointed in how things had turned out at our usual club for some time and were having better luck finding what we wanted at the house parties. She asked what we were looking for. I told her “full swap” and being able to become friends. The dinner at a table with another couple or two at the club meant that if it wasn’t a good match then it was really tough to connect with another couple that evening. Connecting with someone on the dance floor wasn’t really feasible because you couldn’t really talk there. And hooking up with someone in the mirror room when you exchanged names while having sex wasn’t making friends before you played.

I explained the house parties had a different dynamic because of the physical layout. People all standing around in the kitchen and living room made the opportunity to mix and talk to other people you were attracted to much easier. You could spend a few minutes with a couple and move on if they weren’t what you were interested in. She seemed intrigued by this and said something I thought was rather profound and succinct and when I told Jo about it she liked it too. Tanya told me, “I have to trust someone before I let them between my legs. I want someone there but I have to trust them first.” We had to start doing our jobs as servers then but she said she wanted to talk to me about these house parties more later.

I didn’t get a chance to talk with her after dinner but Jo and I talked about the conversation in the car was we drove home. Jo said, “That’s what I need to do. I need to make sure I trust them before I get into bed with them.”

Last Sunday we had dinner with a couple who had contacted us via SwingLifeStyle.com a couple months ago. They live out of state and were going to be visiting family for a few days and wanted to met some swingers while they were here.

We talked on the phone with them and exchanged several email and text messages. They seemed like a pretty good match for us.

Dinner went well with a couple hours of very pleasant conversation and they invited us back to their hotel “for a drink”. Jo and I agreed and we walked from the restaurant back to their hotel with them. Stan and Jo held hands and talked and Sandy and I did the same.  They poured glasses of wine but we quickly ended up in bed together. Stan and Jo had their clothes off and were in bed so quickly that I joked that it was a race and that Sandy and I were losing.

Sandy and I proceeded somewhat slowly and we enjoyed our time together. I was watching Jo and Stan and although I didn’t pick up any overt signals I was concerned things were going as well for her. Stan was a bit on the large side and Jo, while very tall, has a petite build. Stan wasn’t at all gentle and Jo seemed to be taking a bit of a pounding. Far more than I had ever done with her. But then I have a reputation for being very gentle. Some women like it rougher than what I care for. Maybe Jo was okay. But I wasn’t sure.

Long after Sandy and I were done and just laying there touching and talking Stan was pounding away at Jo. Finally Jo said she needed a break.

We all talked for while and when Stan wanted to start again Jo said we needed to go home because we had to work the next morning. I quickly agreed even though it wasn’t all that late.

As we walked back to the car Jo told me it was hell for her. She was done. Right now she didn’t want to have sex ever again. Not with anyone. All sex with men was repulsive to her and she didn’t want to touch me either. She wasn’t mad at me. She didn’t blame me. But it was a really bad experience for her.

She had recovered enough that we were able to cuddle up and sleep shortly after we got home. We had sex again Tuesday morning. After a couple more days she was in a much better mood and could talk about it but still not really recovered. She realizes probably isn’t entirely true but her attitude is that the reason some women are into the lifestyle is so they can have sex with better lovers than what they have at home. “Sex with you is a like an art form”, she told me. I took exception to that. I don’t think I do anything particularly special. I’ve long had a reputation as being very gentle but I don’t do a bunch of different or particularly interesting positions. The missionary position is about all that I do after a some manual and oral foreplay.

We have talked about “what went wrong” and “what we could have done differently”. There weren’t any early signs. It wasn’t until they were actually in bed “banging away” that she knew it was a mistake to be with him. I suppose she could have disengaged much sooner but there is a lot of reluctance to do that. You don’t want to spoil things for everyone else. But “taking one for the team” spoils things too. If/when we are with another couple again I think we need to make very sure it’s okay with each other to abort a situation at any time for any reason. It’s not worth the cost of having such a bad experience.