This is an interesting article about swinging from the woman’s viewpoint:

The intimacy comes from knowing that they can engage in the swinging lifestyle but still be connected together on an emotional and physical level that no one else can come between. It is exhilarating to know that your husband is willing to let you explore your sexual fantasies without being angry, jealous, or mean, and it also increases the trust and respect for your husband on a daily basis. In fact, a swinger wife has more trust in her husband than many wives because she knows what is going on at all times.

The openness of the relationship also increases the intimacy. Many women keep secrets about what they truly want in their marriage, both on an emotional and physical level. A swinger wife doesn’t have to be scared to tell her husband what she thinks or what she wants, because she knows that he is willing to do what it takes to make her happy and will not judge or persecute her no matter what she says. Swingers enjoy this open trust, communication and honesty, that many couples will never be able to have.

While I don’t think this, or a lot of the rest of the content in the article, is universally true there is a fair amount of truth in it. When you are with “straight/vanilla” friends and family you sometimes want to burst out with your shared secret when they perseverate about something immediately dismissed in the our lifestyle.

Someone might have been flirting with your spouse and they might have flirted back? What’s the big deal? In our world you would have coached your spouse on how to take things further or if they weren’t interested how to signal your disinterest. Or you might have given your spouse a smile and a nod indicating you were interested in the other person’s spouse and to “step things up” a bit if they wanted.

It wasn’t until after three months and a couple dozen dates that someone had sex for the first time with their girlfriend? Wow! We “move on” if after chatting for a few minutes we find out the other couple isn’t interested in having sex that night.

Someone says they have sex once or twice a week and think that is about right? We have sex nearly once a day and sometimes three or more times in a 24 hour period and that is what seems normal to us.

You fantasize about having two men having their penis in your vagina at the same time? It’s okay to share that with me. I think that’s exciting too! We can arrange that if you really want to try it.

The “straight world” doesn’t relate to the things and talk about on a nearly daily basis. We live in, what is in many ways, an alternate reality.

Yes. We share something special between us and it’s exciting to explore this “alternate reality” together.