I found this video (H/T to Justin J Lehmiller) about animal sex relates to what I see at our favorite sex club:
It is in the last couple of minutes that Carin Bondar tells of certain species, such as the hyena and the elephant, where the female has anatomical feature that prevent male sexual coercion. These species are matriarchal. The females have nearly all the power.
At our sex club the founding of the club was by a male/female couple with the female the driving force. She made the rules and worked to make the club a place that was comfortable for the women. Men are not allowed in the play area unless escorted by a woman. A woman only has to say, “No” once to any man giving her unwanted attention. If he doesn’t get the message management will explain it to him in no uncertain terms. He will be banned from the club if the message isn’t received.
There are many single women that attend the club. They wear revealing clothes (or nothing) on the dance floor. They flirt and touch the men that interest them. They have their pick of who their playmates are.
“Taking one for the team” is strongly discouraged. You don’t have sex with someone you aren’t interested in just so your spouse can have sex with someone they really want. Women tend to be more selective than men. Hence, what this means is that in couples the women are the primary selectors of who the couple will play with. If she isn’t attracted to the man or thinks the woman is “too attractive” she can nix a relationship with those playmates. The men have input but seldom drive the selection process.
As in those animals species described by Bondar a change in sexual rules changes the balance of power.
Update: I should have mentioned this book which addresses some of the same issues: Sex, Time, and Power: How Women’s Sexuality Shaped Human Evolution. I highly recommend it.